Sky Arc
by Wind Chijmes
Summary: (1x5, 1x2, OCx5) Wufei and Duo are different as day and night, but they have one thing in common - their feelings for Heero. And when a stranger makes his appearance, they are thrown into chaos once more.
1. Kiss of the Moon

**Sky Arc - Kiss of the Moon**

**Pairing :** 1x5, (1x2)  
**Ratings :** R  
**Warnings :** Yaoi, angst, lemon, hint of NCS  
**Disclaimer :** Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise and associated affiliates, not me.

**Summary :** It's full moon, a night of reconciliation and reckoning. And two boys are trapped between pain and pleasure. Wufei POV.

**A/N : **First and foremost, this arc is a more emotional exploration of what might have been between the three main characters. There's angst, there's unrequited feelings, there's selfishness, and yes, there's very possibly, OOC. Forgive me. ^^ Some liberties have to be taken with characterisation, especially with a plotline such as this. I hope readers will enjoy following the story, though! Feedback very appreciated! ^^

* * *

Ever seen what the moon looks like when you're standing in the warm shallows, listening to the rise and ebb of waters? Hanging over the distant horizon that only your eyes can reach? When you're all alone, with only the moonshine caressing you? 

I have. It is far more beautiful than anything I have ever seen. 

I have heard stories of the Lady of the Moon. Of Chang-e and how she secretly ate the elixir of lifeand rose and rose and drifted into the sky to reach the isolated Moon Palace. How she became Mistress of the palace, with only a hare to keep her company. (1) 

She is a bitter woman. The elixir promised immortalityyet the Heavens played a cruel joke on Chang-e. She had her immortalityat the price of neverending isolation. 

Do not point at the moon. Do not make fun of that mysterious orbor Chang-e will wreck vengeance upon you. 

I have never said a word against the moon, nor any to mock Lady Chang-e, but it I did grow more and more fascinated with the moon. I would watch it on different days of the month, tracking its birth as a gleaming scythe, to an oblong spot of light, and finally to its full blossom into a brilliant pale gold disc. 

Beautiful. Pale, radiant, beautiful. Cold. 

  
++++++++++ 

  
He shivered. The air had turned chilly without his knowing. He was clad only in his white silk pants, and white boxers beneath them. Hardly adequate for the turn in temperature, but he did not care. He liked the way he could drown himself in the moonshine, and how the silvery light made everything look surreal. Besides, he would be warm enough soon. 

The night sky was a jet-black backdrop for a faint swirl of stars. And nestled among those vague twinkles, was the Lady Moon herself. A proud, majestic queen among her lesser subjects. Full moon tonight. 

He stared into the perfect roundness, almost lost in its radiance. The awe grew in him until he was sure it was the Lady of the Moon staring down her nose at him, rather than he, an insignificant boy, foolishly gawking up at her. 

Full moon. What did he have to offer tonight? 

The door behind him opened. 

He did not have to turn to know who it is visiting him so late at night. He did not even have to listen to recognise the silent footfalls approaching him. He could feel them; each one thudding in time to his heartbeat. There was but one person who dared breach his privacy with such disregard. And only one person he could not refuse. 

Arms twined around his shoulders. Deceptively wiry, but rippling with hidden strength under the fawn skin. He did not move. He did not react. 

"Wufei," a low nasal whisper in his ear, warm breath fanning against his neck. 

Now Wufei quivered. From cold, or from the intent beneath the voice, he did not know. A soft kiss on his cheek. He did not take much regard of it. It was a cursory gesture hidden under a cloak of tenderness. 

He felt himself spun around in the strong embrace, and a warm mouth pressing to his. Ahthis is what he – what *they* had been waiting for. Pure desire without emotion. 

Those lips, thin yet firm, devoured Wufei's own, sparking velvet friction of keenest pleasure. Lust stoked the fire in his veins, and he responded just as eagerly, opening his mouth, allowing a fierce tongue entry. It tracked the soft interior of his cheeks, laving over teeth, and covering his tongue with broad, hungry strokes until he pushed back, tasting the other in return, duelling for dominance. 

That was how it should be. Always a battle for control. 

A hard body pressed against him, hands moulding to his back and hauling them close so their groins grated against each other. The heated hardness that ground into him made his own groin tighten in answer. He moaned, a wanton sound that wrenched its way free from his throat, and it was swallowed by an insistent mouth. 

Lips release his with a sharp snap on his lower lip. The pain surprised him and he gasped without meaning to. 

Heero's lips curled into a smirk. It amused him. 

Wufei stared into glittering Prussian orbs, the coppery taste of blood sharp on his tongue. Deliberating as if he is toying with a child, Heero leaned towards him until his hair tickled his forehead. His tongue darted out and licked along the sore lip; the slow, wet slide of flesh against Wufei's mouth both sickening and exciting. 

Heero pulled away for the second time. 

Caught under ethereal moonlight, he seemed almost like a figment of Wufei's imagination. But the sudden increase in pressure in their tightly-pressed groins quickly brought him back to earth. Tingling jolts of pleasure spread outwards and out until Wufei began to feel light-headed. 

Heero stepped back. 

That was unexpected. Wufei glanced uncertainly at the other man. He knew Heero was not finished with him.

The impossibly deep-blue burning of Heero's eyes seemed to dim until all that remained was an impenetrable hardness. 

"Get on the bed."

Wufei hesitated, his gaze darting to the bed. They had played their little game of dominance countless times, but this felt different. 

"Now."

Wufei heard the intractability in his command. Ever the Perfect Soldiereven in bed. He felt his heartbeat tripling in that instant but he obeyed, turning slowly and shifting himself onto the firm surface. He moved until his head lay comfortably on a pillow, and the entire length of his back was pressed onto the bed sheets. He found himself staring directly at the ceiling of his room. 

It was then Heero moved from his position; the only indication his presence was the decompressing of the mattress. He moved slowly, but surely and languidly, like a stalking panther, until he was crouched above Wufei. His hands are pressed into the mattress beside Wufei's head and his knees to either side of his legs. 

It was no longer the ceiling, but a cold cobalt whirlpool Wufei was staring into. 

Heero's hands move to encircle his slack wrists, then tightened and drew them upwards above his head. Wufei's breathing was shallow, but even. He would not let Heero know it was the beginnings of fear that were blossoming in him. His wrists were crossed and imprisoned in a vice-like grip. A hand touched his chest, the fingers moving down in a teasing slide. A soft brush against his right nipple, and he gritted his teeth, feeling his chest tighten. Pinpricks of sensation thrummed along his feverish skin. 

The hand reached the sash around Wufei's waist and stopped. With a dexterity Maxwell would have been proud of, it undid the silken cloth. Heero held up the black length and drew it across Wufei's face. Wufei felt the soft glide of cloth over his cheek, then, nose, and eyes. Then Heero's body lowering to press onto his. 

"Heero" he whispered, his own breathing threatening to choke him. "What" 

Heero replied by looping the sash around his wrists and securing them to the rungs of the headboard. His movements were swift, precise and relentless. 

Wufei felt a moment of blind panic. He had never been bound in bed before. And he didn't understand why Yuy washe couldn't help but struggle, tugging futilely at the secured knot. His legs too were pinned firmly under Heero's weight – useless. 

A sharp crack and Wufei saw stars before he could even register the sound. His right cheek stung. Heero hit him. Wufei blinked stupidly, eyes dimming with pained tears. Heero had never hit him before. Not like that. 

Heero dipped his head lower, lips almost touching Wufei's. "Don't fight me," he bit out harshly. His nails dug painfully into Wufei's raised arms. Don't make me hurt you. 

Those cold eyes bore into Wufei and slowly, an icicle of surrenderand understandingslid down his spine. He opened his mouth but no words came forth. So he nodded. He would not refuse. 

"Good," Heero breathed, and surged forward. 

Again, possessive lips crush Wufei's. He reacted mindlessly, instinctively, tilting his head back to let Heero deepen the kiss. He felt, rather than heard Heero groan into his mouth. The rise, ebb and rising of pressure between their lipsand bodiesand still rising. His vision sparked, cobalt and grey fusing together in a psychedelic rush. 

Heero's weight lifted suddenly. He did not bother to be gentle. Wufei held still to let him yank down his loosened pants and boxers. Cold prickled over his naked skin and he shivered. Heero's gaze, so heated and hungry it felt like a touch, slowly traversed over Wufei's face, his shoulders, chest, and down, to rest on the half-aroused state between his legs. 

Heero climbed over him again, lowering his head until his mouth was right beside his ear. "*Mine*."

The word sent a course of absurd despair jolting through Wufei. 

//Yours, Heero?// 

A strong, calloused palm settles on Wufei's leg, stroking the skin, tracing the line of bunched muscle. It slipped down to his inner thigh, setting his sensitised skin on fire. Wufei arched uncontrollably, clenching his eyes shut, silently willing the teasing touch to descend where he needed it most. Caresses feathered over his arousal and he bit back a cry when the fingers curved around his throbbing length and slowly worked it to full, aching hardness. Godglimmers of intensifying sensation breaking over him. He bucked into the rough fondling, sobbing breaths spilling from his lips. 

Releasehe needed release. 

His eyes flew open and he exhaled sharply. He could feel himself trying to push up, toanything! But Heero's weight held him down effortlessly. Whimpers bubbled up Wufei's throat. He buried his face against his raised arm to muffle the screams threatening to spill. His breathing was now an erratic stutter of gasps and mewls, yet he could hardly hear them above the rush of blood in his ears. His arms strained hard against the headboard, the smoothness of silk turning painful. 

"Heero" 

The brown, unruly head lifted. Heero's eyes were still cold, but now they held a strange, unholy gleam as well. Please what, Ryuu? 

Even through the haziness fogging Wufei's mind, that term registered. Ryuua reminder of Wufei's ancestry and how useless it proved against the indomitable soldier of L1. A staking of Heero's claim over a dragon warrior, the proudest warrior. 

"Take what you want!" the closest to begging Wufei could bring himself to. 

An unreadable emotion flitted over Heero's features, and he complied. Blunt fingernails raked over the sensitive skin of Wufei's inner thighs, and outHeero lifted his legs over his shoulders and Wufei was almost folded in two, left open and vulnerable. . 

Once again, those cobalt orbs bore into his vision, their hungry intent almost a comfort to his tightly-strung body. 

The rustle of a zipper, gratingly loud in a room that is only permeated by harsh breathing and the creak of the headboard. 

Wufei rolled his head back, eyes shut, every nerve in him screaming

His eyes remained shut, tighter still, as he felt the heaviness entering him. The sheer torture! His vision tunnelled into a pinpoint of flickering brightnessand he fell into those welcoming arms of pain. A scream built deep in his throat and he opened his mouth. Yet all that burst free was a sharp gasp. 

A guttural groan into his ear, followed by heavy pants. A single drop of perspiration fell on his cheek, and trickled down his face to mingle with beads of his own sweat – a liquid parody of their coupling. 

"Wufeiopen your eyes," Heero's words were so thick they seem melded into the hot heavy breathing against Wufei's cheek. 

Sharp teeth clamp down on the tender skin of his neck. Look at me! 

And he obeyed, snapping them open and seeing nothing. Darkness lapped at the edges of his vision. Darkness, darknessfading into an ocean of deepest blueand growing yet lighter and brighter until it is iridescent whiteness that surrounds his senses. Whiteness now? 

The moon. 

He stared into her brilliance. Letting the all-consuming whiteness possess him even as his mind was lost further in the haze, even as he was brought higher and higher to the pinnacle. 

//Are you watching all of this, Chang-e? Does the folly of man amuse you? Remind you of your own foolishness? In desiring something that could never be yours?// 

//I am like you. Even Heero is like you.// 

Framed by her light, he could almost hear her impassioned cry of vengeance. He fell then. A scream – his own? – had barely broke its sound before it was muffled by the sealing of lips. His whole body shuddered, heat coursing in ceaseless waves through his every nerve. The white radiance shatters into a million fragments, each piercing his blurred sight like a diamond shard. 

He was still falling. 

The weight braced on him disappeared; rough fingers tugged quickly and efficiently at the cinched-tight knot binding his wrists. A quick kiss on his bruised lips. And words that he scarcely caught hovered between them. 

"I'm sorry."

Hurried, shadowy movements accompanied by a rustle of clothes and zipper. 

Slowly, he let his sore, cramped arms slide down from their rest. 

//What are you sorry, Heero Yuy? For your selfish pleasures?// 

The freezing of all movement was the only indication that he had spoken his thoughts aloud. He supposed he ought to feel mortified but he felt nothing. It hardly mattered whether Heero heard or not. Those were words that had been sitting too long on a well of unacknowledged troubles and emotions between them. 

His body was too spent to move, so he tracked the distance with his eyes. 

Heero was not in the shadows like he was when he had entered his quarters earlier. He was now caught in a bright strip of moonshine. Like a deer in headlights, a singsong voice noted in Wufei's mind. Heero's cobalt eyes were widened, his mouth almost slack in surprise – and Wufei knew that was genuine uncertainty the other man was feeling. 

"Gomenasai," he spoke again, so softly Wufei almost missed it. 

Heero looked like he was awaiting judgement. Wufei's – the Solitary Dragon's – judgement. And Wufei was unable to pass any. He could debate hours on justice, he could mete it out, but on Heero Yuy, all was lost. Oh, the beauty of irony. 

//What are you sorry for, Heero?// A swell of bitterness rose in Wufei's chest. //For visiting my room during unearthly hours, and stealing away before my bed has lost your warmth? For using me as a toy? Your favourite toy, no less, but a toy just the same.// 

"Duo" 

//Oh, I see, Heero. For taking out your frustrations on me because Maxwell has somehow roused your anger to new heights. So, that's your reason.// 

"Leave," his voice, like Heero's, was lifeless, bare, a part of the still air. He was so tired. //Go, Heero. Just go.// 

Heero must have seen the understood. His thin, pale lips tightened into a grim line. He nodded, eyes lowered, and slipped through the shadows. As silent as he had arrived. 

All that were left were Wufei and the black sash strewn like a dismal tatter on the white sheets. 

He held up his hand, seeing the angry, vivid abrasion circling the wrist, but not registering it. He splayed his fingers, splitting the moonlight into shards before his eyes. 

//Are you watching me, Lady Chang-e? Then you must know what I am feeling now. We are alike, remember?// 

//Mine, Wufei.// 

No, Heero, nojust like he would never be Wufei's. And that was truly what Heero was sorry for. Only he did not realise it. How could he? When there was the irresistible ray of Duo's sun drawing him away? Perhaps when he lost the sultry kiss of the moon in Wufei's bed, he would realise it too. All Wufei could do was wait for time of reckoning. 

He touched his fingers to his cheek. It felt raw...and wet. 

//Would tears be offering enough, Chang-e?//

He let the faintest tinge of a smile ghost his lips. 

And he knew he would wait. 

~*~ fin ~*~  
May 2003

* * *

(1) There are several different versions of this myth. Some depict Chang-e as a venerable, kind-hearted lady who took the pill in order to prevent her tyrannical husband, Hou Yi, from getting his hands on it. Others, like the version I used, portray her as woman greedy for immortality. Furthermore, there are also different versions of her stay on the moon. Some versions have a hare in it (the Jade Hare). Some don't. 

**Next part : **[Holding The Light]. Duo finds out.


	2. Holding The Light 01

**Sky Arc - Holding The Light (1/?)**

**Pairing :** 1x2, (1x5)  
**Ratings :** R  
**Warnings :** Yaoi, angst, lemonish  
**Disclaimer :** Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise and associated affiliates, not me.

**Summary :** (sequel to Kiss of the Moon) Duo could laugh about it, but it's getting harder as it becomes more apparent just *who* Heero has been spending more and more nights with.

**A/N : **First and foremost, this arc is a more emotional exploration of what might have been between the three main characters. There's angst, there's unrequited feelings, there's selfishness, and yes, there's very possibly, OOC. Forgive me. ^^ Some liberties have to be taken with characterisation, especially with a plotline such as this. I hope readers will enjoy following the story, though! Feedback very appreciated! ^^

* * *

The apartment was silent when he returned. He glanced down at the shoe-rack and noted how messily Heero's shoes were shoved inside. This only happened on certain days. He had never noticed it before, but some things just got more obvious with time. 

Stepping inside, he shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the rack. The whole apartment was so quiet. And right after that thought, the sudden chiming from the living room clock startled him. He counted six chimes. An hour more to go before Heero woke up to prepare for work. 

These days, this was how their work schedules clashed. He would work the graveyard shift and return at times like this, while Heero kept to his day timetable. Not that Heero hadn't tried to keep their working times in better tandem, but it was difficult. The work piled up by the day. Eventually, they stopped trying to match their schedules. The frustration only left them irritated with themselvesand each other. Better not meet at all, than to meet and start a snarling match. 

He stopped before the door that led to the master bedroom, suddenly overcome by a wave of crushing defeat. Left supporting himself with one hand braced against the door, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the memory of them hurling hurtful words at each other. Rather, himself doing the hurling. Heero had been silent and unmoveable as a brick wall. 

And the shoes, the shoesthey were so messy only because Heero had been out during the night... 

The door pulled open without warning and he gasped as he tumbled inside and right into a hard chest. He floundered for a moment, disorientated, but wiry arms steadied him, then he was staring wide-eyed into Prussian blue orbs.

"Heero," he said softly, not quite sure what else he could say. 

"Duo."

He knew it was just perfectly ridiculous of himself, but he knew his eyes were watering at the gentle way his name sounded in Heero's mouth. It had been so long since he had heard Heero call him in this way. 

"I" Duo started, then the words refused to surface. They were there, right in his throat. I didn't think I'd catch you, Heero. I thought you have work" 

"I do." Heero's hands tightened that ever slightly on Duo's shoulders. "But I'm free now...for a while."

"For a while..." Duo's bright tenor wavered before he laughed. "For a while's good...good."

The clock chimed again, once. A half hour past. Time was relentless in its race against human endeavours. This was the very thought in Duo's mind even as he raised his arms to let Heero slip his shirt off. The air was cold against his skin and he shivered. A split-second later Heero's skin pressed to his body, every inch of Heero warm on his own flesh. 

"I wish we have a little more time..." Duo murmured. 

Heero didn't answer in words. Instead, he dipped his head, covering Duo's mouth with his. They kissed softly, fleeting touches with their lips, then abandoned the teasing for passion. Heero's tongue slid into moist, inviting silkiness. Groaning between those demanding kisses, Duo's hands rose above him, tangling into thick dark-brown bangs, and clutching Heero's head as he crushed their mouths even harder together. They stumbled back onto the bed, legs tangling together, hands roving blindly in hungry bid to touch all of each other.

Somewhere between them, Duo felt a burning grip on each of his knee, nudging his legs apart. He tore away from Heero's lips, head arching back with a gasp as he felt that same grip curve around him. Achingly slow caresses massaged him to full hardness and his hips kilted up in mindless response, wanting more of those surges of sweet sensations that thrummed through his every vein.

"Duo...Look at me, Duo..."

His eyes flew open, but he felt like drowning still in Heero's deep, sea-blue eyes. Bottomless, both of them, and so, so blue. Heero's hand stilled on his member and he couldn't help a moan. There was pleasure even in stillness; his arousal gloved by that steely and scalding hot touch. Moans became ragged breaths as Duo lifted his legs for what he knew would come – slick fingers caressing him, and slipping into him, slowly probing him, preparing him. 

Heavy-eyed, Duo stared up into the face of his lover. Angularly handsome, fine-boned and now tensed at the jaw from reining in his own pleasure and *giving* pleasure without the hurt. 

Heero was always gentle. 

Lifting himself onto his elbows, Duo pressed a quick kiss to the thin line of lips, sliding his tongue over them and tasting both Heero and the saltiness of sweat. "I'm not gonna break, lover," he said with an unsteady grin.

Heero actually nodded. If Duo wasn't as torn apart by arousal and the damn need to get down to the real business, he might have rolled his eyes. He'd never understand why the hell Heero sometimes treated him like a fragile doll. 

His thoughts ended quickly, swallowed back into his hazed brain as the familiar thickness strained against him. He could no longer look at Heero then; his eyes squeezing shut at the aching barrage of pain and desire. And he clenched around Heero, trying not to resist, but accepting, and finally crying out as Heero drove against that white-hot core of sensation. Now Heero's own guttural moans mingled with his cries, thunderously loud in their ears as they urged each other on to the edge.

There was no certainty who peaked before the other. Maybe Duo, his own yell all he could hear...maybe Heero with a long, low moan against Duo's neck. Duo did feel though, that blinding rush followed by hot spill over their bodies; Heero thrusting into him with one last, heavy stroke.

Tiredly, Duo closed his eyes, not even having enough energy at present to keep them open. The sheets were impossibly tangled around their limbs, and the air thick and heavy with their breathing. Duo wanted to fall asleep, especially now with Heero sprawled over him, tousled hair tickling his cheek. He did wish there was more time.

"...I have work, Duo."

Just a while more would be enough.

Heero turned away, pulling one sheet around himself. Getting up from the bed, he cinched the sheet around his waist. His belly still glistened with their spent passions.

"Heero..."

The Japanese man shook his head, heading for the bathroom. "I have to go." 

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
The sunlight was hot against his bare skin. Grimacing, Duo sat up slowly, his hair weaving all around his bare skin like ropes, and clumping where they irritate the most. He really should have kept it tied back, but Heero liked to play his fingers through his hair...Duo gave a self-deprecating laugh. Everything these days was Heero, Heero, Heero. 

From down the hallway, the sound of the door closing made him jump.

That had been quick. Heero hadn't even said goodbye. 

Annoyed with himself for allowing something as trivial as a goodbye to affect him, Duo got out of bed quickly. He headed out of the bedroom, bare feet slapping against the carpet-less floor. Along the way, he began gathering his hair into a loose ponytail, cinching it with the band looped around his wrist. He hummed a song whose lyrics he just couldn't remember. 

It was a great day. It was a work day. He had a lot of things to do. The lists of tasks began running themselves through his head. He had reports to finish, he'd have to give a call to Hilde later, then he'd have to get to the HQ to take over the night shift...anything else...

A beep from the video communicator broke his reverie. 

Turning on his heels, he went to the living room instead, grabbing his pants along the way. Just imagine the caller's response if she – or even a he – saw Duo Maxwell naked as a newborn babe. Quickly pulling his pants on, he blindly jabbed at the dial. 

The screen flickered, and a face shimmered into view.

He recognised the blonde hair first of all. "Relena!" he blurted, almost surprised, but recovered sufficiently. "What's up?"

"Good morning, Duo," Relena Peacecraft smiled pleasantly at him, polite as usual even if she was looking at a Duo Maxwell with morning hair that looked more like a rat's nest. "I'm sorry to bother you so early in the morning."

"No prob," Duo waved a hand airily. "So, what can I do for the lady?"

She laughed at that, but grew more serious again as she gazed at him. "Can you help me take a message to Heero?"

"Heero?" Duo straightened. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, no," she shook her head. "I know you're close to him, that's why I'm..." Very uncharacteristic of her usual composure, the young woman hesitated for a moment, before smiling awkwardly again.

Duo almost felt sorry for her. His relationship with Heero was practically an open secret amongst the ranks of the HQ. It had only been these recent months that Relena could even look them in the eye, and he knew it was still difficult for her to address the issue of his living with Heero under the same roof. 

"Duo?"

"Huh? Oh, right, the message. What is it?"

"Can you remind Heero to show up for tonight's function? Missing the last one was..." Relena looked like she might have sighed, but it was inaudible over the transmission. "I know he doesn't think these functions are necessary, but he still needs to be present. There are *people* who want him to be present."

People? Ah, politics. Duo felt like groaning on behalf of Heero, then the words struck him. Hard. "Missing the last one? What do you mean missing the last one?"

Relena didn't look like she understood him. "Heero missed the last function. The one just a week ago? Last..."

"Tuesday." 

"Right. Last Tuesday. He missed it, and I did tell him to be present. He said he had other matters to attend to, and he – you don't know about it?"

Duo felt himself shrugging carelessly, and a laugh escaped him. Then words escaped him without even his bidding. "Well, you know, we're all busy people."

"That's...true. Well...thank you for taking the message for me. Heero would – "

"Heero *will* attend tonight's function," Duo smiled so widely at her he thought his face would splinter. "You have my word."

"Good. Thank you, Duo. Goodbye."

Fingers mechanically shutting off the vid-comm, Duo sank back into the couch. Relena would never know of this, but her admission of Heero's absence at the last function was the last piece in the whole puzzle he had been slowly unravelling for the last few months. Exhaling slowly, he switched the vid-comm on again. From his back-pocket, he took out a mini disc and rolled it between his fingers. For three days, he had been unable to work up enough courage to play it. Now, it wasn't about courage anymore. He just had to know.

He slipped the disc into the slot.

The integrity of the video feed was dismal, but good enough for his purpose. It had been painstakingly retrieved after having been deleted. He stared at the screen, feeling the sting of irony. The only time Heero didn't managed to completely cover his tracks and Duo should be the one who discovered the loophole.

It was just a short clip, no more than twenty seconds. Just enough time for the blurry image of a dark-haired figure to stall, hesitate, and finally raise his head to say in a brittle, dead voice: 

It's over, Heero.

Three words cloaked with so much emotion and warped with so much static, but there was no mistaking the voice of Chang Wufei.

If there could be an ending, then there must have been a beginning. No one person had full mastery over his mind, but if Duo was even remotely right about his own feelings, then what pained him most of all was not that there had been a beginning.

It was that there was a beginning, and he never knew about it.

He stood up decisively. 

Relena had a message for Heero. And Duo was sure he had messages of his own to get from the third angle in this whole screwed-up triangle of screwed-up people.

It was time for him to go back to the HQ.

  
++++++++++

  
He saw the raised fist, and thought it looked like a knot of fury. How long would it take the fist to react and finally meet his face? Two seconds? Maybe less. He began counting in his mind. 

One.

What was Heero waiting for?

Two.

Calmly, Heero lowered his arm and stepped away from him. "I'm not going to hit you," he said just as calmly...if acidly. 

He leaned away from the wall, his back still throbbing where he had been shoved. He had expected the lashing out and Heero hadn't disappointed on that account. He had also expected, maybe wanted, to be hit, and that was where Heero read his intentions, and refused to follow the rules. 

No, not rules. *Rule*. Just one of them. Strike if words fail. 

"I will never," Heero said, his voice dropping a notch. "Agree to your proposal."

"Proposal?" he said quietly, almost disbelievingly. "It's not a proposal, Yuy. It is a conclusion. No, not a conclusion. A termination, if you would prefer. A termination to an agreement."

Heero Yuy was capable of rendering himself totally and completely emotionless, just as he was capable of reaching the other end of the spectrum with the most extreme emotions. His true anger was cold, merciless and knew no boundaries. Good. Better anger than pity.

"...and I don't need your approval," he finished, and he waited.

He thought he could actually see the gathering storm in Heero's eyes, but he was too slow as Heero moved towards him rapidly, crossing the distance with long strides and reaching him before he could even blink. Heero loomed before him, his presence almost suffocating in its intensity. Heero wasn't even touching him, but just standing before him, inches away, shoulder to shoulder, deep, haunted gaze boring right into his, and heavy breathing against his face. 

Now...it had to be now! He felt like screaming for Heero to just strike him down there and then.

//Kill me, Heero. Like you should have before.//

"It was not an agreement."

Heero did kill him, although not in the way he had wanted. The confused, uncomprehending hurt on Heero's face was the weapon. The words, delivered in a tone so unlike Heero's and yet edged with pain that could only belong to Heero, delivered the blow. 

"It was. It always has been, and it has to be ended." He hated the way his voice shook, and he hated even more the sting beneath his eyelids. 

"No." 

Listen to this! Heero Yuy actually sounded like a stubborn child. And like a stubborn child, Heero wrapped his arms around him in an awkward, yet demanding embrace as if it could change anything. 

"Do you want me to show you something, Heero?" he jerked away, snatched a piece of printed paper off his desk and thrust it at Heero. "Look at this! Can you read it? Do you want me to read it for you? It says to ask Heero Yuy to please remember to attend the function tonight, at nineteen hours. Do you understand this, Heero?"

The silence from Heero only infuriated him more. Why wasn't Heero trying to understand! 

"This means that Duo knows!"

The fax had come from the apartment that Heero and Duo shared. The writing belonged to Duo; even Wufei recognised the distinctive scrawls. 

He watched Heero from strained eyes, with an even more strained mind. Nights of keeping awake and days of endless work were starting to take effect. He could hardly keep his eyes open but he did, and now his eyeballs felt like they were branded into his face. And with these eyes, he saw Heero's pain all too clearly, for it was reflected on himself. They were both unhappy. It hadn't been obvious to them at the beginning as they went through all the unhappy times and happy times. But eventually, the scales tipped more and more away from the smiles and the laughter, and now all they could remember was the pain. The least they could do now was not to add a third person to the equation.

It had to end. Everything had to end.

"Would you please go?" he gestured wearily to the door. "I have work to do, and so do you."

He felt Heero's arms around him for the second time and then, firm lips pressing to his mouth. He did not respond, only seeking the tiniest shred of comfort in the familiarity of Heero's kisses, and he moved away once that warmth was gone. He did not even turn to watch Heero leave his office, the door closing behind his silent depature with a startling sharp click.

The fax, he picked up again and read the words for the umpteenth time. Maybe if he weren't a Preventer, he could be a handwriting analyst. It was almost strange how Duo's writing resembled his personality. Airy, scrawly, clownish, yet all of those characteristic anchored by a seriousness not many knew Duo possessed. Perhaps pain too...pain stemmed back with admirable resolution, but overflowing with each stroke of each letter. He imagined Duo's trembling grip around the marker, the tip of the marker burning each word into the paper. Seized by a sudden wave of self-loathing, he crushed the paper and hurled it into the waste basket. 

Outside his office, the sunlight was bright, almost unnaturally so, he thought. He lifted his gaze to that light. And it was strange how his office still felt cold even with all this sunlight streaming in from the glass panes. He found he didn't really care about how his eyes were hurting from the blinding rays. The sunlight always reminded him of D – 

The sharp raps on the door couldn't have come at a worse time.

He whirled around sharply, heart skipping a beat. Taking a moment to compose himself, even pressing his palms against his desk to steady himself, he called out an affirmation of entry.

The door slid open quietly and a figure entered unhurriedly. 

His eyes flew wide and he might have stumbled back, almost unseeing in his shock. But his hands held firm onto his desk. 

"Hi," his visitor said with a breezy smile. 

His fingernails were practically clawing into the wood. "Duo," he said mechanically.

"Wufei," Duo greeted him in return, the smile never leaving his face. "Shall we talk?"

~*~ fin ~*~  
December 2003

* * *


	3. Holding The Light 02

**Sky Arc - Holding The Light (2/?)**

**Pairing :** 2+5, (1x2, 1x5)  
**Ratings :** PG-13  
**Warnings :** Yaoi, angst  
**Disclaimer :** Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise and associated affiliates, not me.

**Summary :** Confronted, Duo and Wufei have to come to terms with each other, and with themselves. Duo POV.

**A/N : **First and foremost, this arc is a more emotional exploration of what might have been between the three main characters. There's angst, there's unrequited feelings, there's selfishness, and yes, there's very possibly, OOC. Forgive me. ^^ Some liberties have to be taken with characterisation, especially with a plotline such as this. I hope readers will enjoy following the story, though! Feedback very appreciated! ^^

* * *

  
"Shall we talk?" Duo said as lightly as he could, yet his heart was racing so badly he thought Wufei would surely hear it. 

Yet Wufei probably wouldn't hear anything right now...Duo wasn't sure if Wufei was even *seeing* him. A swell of pity rose in Duo as he finally halted in his advance towards the Chinese man. Any nearer to Wufei and he'd probably bolt. Had it been that long since he had been in the Preventers, Duo wondered, that he had actually stopped noticing things? Now, at this very moment, just standing there and looking at Wufei - truly looking - Duo was just stunned at the change in his colleague. 

Those black-as-ebony eyes that stared back at Duo were wide, almost expressionless if not for the pinpricks of sheer mortification that gleamed too brightly. The copper skin whose colour Duo had admired once upon a time had a sickly pallor to it, and it stretched tight over the angles of bones that protruded too sharply for Duo's liking. 

"What are you doing here?"

Duo frowned openly. What - even Wufei's *voice* had changed! He couldn't believe this tremulous croak was from someone he knew to be always strong and unyielding. "What the fuck happened to you?" he blurted, then winced at his own bluntness. 

Dark eyebrows stitched together in instinctive anger, but it dissipated swiftly. Shrugging his shoulders in a startling uncharacteristic display of nonchalance, Wufei crossed his arms before his chest. "What do you want?" he said flatly.

Slowly, lazily, Duo draped himself onto the desk, leaning his hip against it. "Let's stop playing dumb, Wufei," he said pointedly, raising one eyebrow in a near-smirk, knowing it would infuriate. "You know what I'm here for."

Still, Wufei remained blank. "I don't." 

Duo's carefully-planned mental script flew out of his mind. Before he knew it, he had already straightened himself and glaring at Wufei with every single ounce of frustration he had been feeling for every minute and every day for the past few weeks. 

"I'll say this again, Wufei," Duo responded with a grim smile. "I don't appreciate your little charade right now." 

Wufei met his furious glare straight on, obsidian eyes unblinking. Then, just for that sliver of a moment, a fleeting shade of self-deprecation ghosted over Wufei's features, and at length, he nodded, shoulders easing.

"I apologise," Wufei unfolded his arms and they fell limply to his sides. "Shall we have the talk now?"

Duo reeled back a little, startled at the sudden change in reaction from the Chinese man. But well, things were working like they should now, so he wasn't anywhere near complaining. "Not here." He shook his head, easy charm slipping back into place. He cocked a thumb in the direction of the door. "I say we go get a drink."

There was a moment's silence as Wufei stared from door to Duo, and back to the door. "All right," he said quietly. 

  
++++++++++

  
They ended up in a quaint little drinking parlour just a street away from their workplace. It was one of those places that was by far more decent than most. They spoke little along the way, but they *did* speak. About their work, about their extra-curricular activities outside of work, even about the one topic that never failed to creep into any ailing conversation - the weather. 

All eyes in the parlour focused on them once they entered. Nonchalantly, Duo discreetly steered Wufei towards a corner of the interior that was situated further away from the rest of the patrons. The lighting was just enough to illuminate their faces like ghostly masks, but the dimness was welcoming. It felt...comfortable. Once settled, Wufei ordered a bottle of whisky with two shot glasses. Duo smiled wryly to himself. He'd admit that he almost expected Wufei to ask for water. 

"Shall we talk now?" 

The talk. Duo had almost forgotten about it, wanted to forget about it, but there was no escaping it. He chanced a glance at Wufei and was instantly arrested by a haunted, obsidian gaze. 

"What do you want to know?" Wufei continued relentlessly. "From the beginning to the end?"

Duo shook his head. "You don't have to tell me those."

"You said you wanted to talk."

Yes, he did. He was the one who wanted the talk, and now that the time and opportunity had presented themselves, he couldn't do it. Curling a shaking hand around the glass, Duo knocked back his drink. Maybe...maybe he didn't want to know so much, he realised all too late. 

"You're afraid of knowing."

Duo laughed bitterly. For all of the time he and Heero had been together, all those moments of sharing days and thoughts, and their *lives*, and Heero never managed to get right into Duo's mind. And now, just ten minutes into sharing drinks with Wufei and Duo was laid bare. 

"You read minds in your spare time?" Duo took a long slug of his drink, hardly tasting it.

They stared wordlessly at each other. Duo for the most, felt ridiculous - at himself. Where was all his poise? All that mental preparation he did before he stepped into the HQ and headed right for Wufei's office, and then knocking on that forbidding doorand the *talk*, of course. God forbid he should forget that he was the one who asked for it. Practically begged for it too. 

And now here they were, twoDuo's mind grasped weakly for the right words. Two love rivals. He wanted to crawl into himself at that thought. This wasn't a contest for love, this wasn't a competition, and hell no, it wasn't even for Heero! It was just...just...

"Like that."

Duo glanced up sharply. Wufei could read minds better than he had thought. 

"It's just like that," Wufei rephrased slowly, tiredly, fingers fiddling with the glass. He looked like he's rather be anywhere else in the world than here trapped in a pub with Duo Maxwell, and yet...he looked like he wanted to be here too. Obsidian eyes refocusing on Duo, Wufei finally stopped his fiddling. "You're here," he pointed to Duo, then himself. "And I'm here. What are we waiting for?"

Duo decided there and then if there was just one thing someone would ever love Chang Wufei for, it would be the way he pointed out the simplest workings in...*everything*. Well, in that case, Duo could try to be the same just for the day. 

Duo nodded. "Fine." He gestured to the waiter and relayed his order. 

Their bottle of whisky was taken, and brought back with its contents emptied into several glasses. A second table was pulled to join theirs, and the empty bottle and all the glasses were carefully positioned on both tables. A discreet display of Duo's easy charm that he could switch on at will, and aided by generous tip, the waiter agreed readily to keep their corner undisturbed by other patrons.

Wufei watched it all blankly, only letting slip his disapproval when Duo waved the empty bottle at him, then placed it flat on the centre of their table. Once everything was settled, Wufei rounded on him. "I'm not here to play games, Maxwell," he fairly hissed. 

"Who is?" Duo retorted swiftly, but was just as quick to drop his sharpness. "Can you think of a better way to do this?"

Glowering dark eyes tracked deliberately over the empty bottle and all those glasses of whiskey. When they shifted back again to meet Duo's gaze, the fire was replaced by a painfully clear wretchedness. 

"Well..." Wufei said softly, hesitantly. "Shoot."

Duo's gaze was unflinching. "When did it start?"

"Eleven months and three weeks ago."

Nearly a year. He had been kept completely in the dark for nearly a whole, fucking year! Chest tightening painfully, Duo had to restrain the urge to swing his fist into Wufei. Instead, he crossed his arms tightly. "Your turn. Anything you wanna know?" he asked, satisfied to see the grim discomfort on those pale features. Wufei didn't look like he had expected to get a chance to ask questions. He hesitated, mouth opening, then closing again. It reminded Duo of the Wufei in the video clip. 

"It's over," Wufei's voice was quiet. 

The video clip jumped to mind again, a mocking testimony of secrets that might be better kept buried. Forcefully shutting out that memory, Duo laughed. It sounded angry to his own ears. "That's not a question."

In reply, Wufei took up his glass and drained it one draught - his punishment for breaking rules. 

"You say it's over," Duo went on relentlessly, words spilling from his lips in a tone so cold he would been horrified that it came from himself...on another day. "How do I know for sure?"

For one flitting moment, Wufei might have grimaced. Yet he was expressionless as he replied. "I told him...and he understood."

"What do you mean he understood?"

"I told him to leave and he did."

"You mean he wouldn't normally?"

"You should know."

Well, if that wasn't the obvious. Duo almost snickered at that. He polished off a glass, the liquid burning a trail down his throat and he hardly tasted it anyway. Fuck the rules. "How did it start?"

Silence. Wufei's gaze wavered. 

"Why did it end?" 

Another glass, another draught of punishment.

"Do you truly want it to end?"

Feverish copper hands curled around a glass, the contents sloshing against the sides. It was lifted to pale lips and shakily emptied.

"Do you still love him?"

Time might have stopped, for all of two seconds as that question hung between them. Then, for the fourth time, Wufei reached blindly for a glass, snatching it up like it was a lifeline that could somehow save him from the drowning depths of his despair. Before it could touch his lips, Duo's hand clamped over his wrist, stopping him.

"Enough," Duo said softly, his other hand coming up to gently pry away the glass from Wufei's quivering grip. "No more questions. Ok?"

Wufei's head snapped and he stared wide-eyed at Duo. He might be drunk, but Duo could not be sure if that gleam in Wufei's eyes was the manic glint of intoxication, or just what Duo feared the most. He stared helplessly as Wufei suddenly stood and made for the back-exit. But he didn't stare for too long. Slapping a handful of bills onto the table, Duo quickly snatched up his jacket and ran after his colleague. 

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
"Wufei! Wait up!"

Duo burst into the alley breathlessly, eyes trying vainly to quickly adjust to the startling change in light intensity and consistency of the very air he breathed in just a moment ago. His feet found themselves and he moved, dashing and almost stumbling as he covered the ground between himself and the lurching figure further deeper into the back-street. The walls sped by Duo in a blur.

"Wufei!" Duo hollered, his chest starting to constrict with his efforts. He felt like he was chasing a shadow. 

It might have been some trick of light that allowed Duo's eyes to see a dark figure hunched by the wall, climbing to its feet shakily like it had fallen not so long ago. Duo's hands closed onto thin shoulders and whirled Wufei around. Duo wanted to apologise, to say he was sorry for everything that had gone on back there, that even though there were so many he just had to ask but had little idea of the weight of the answers. 

"Wufei, I..." 

"Let go!"

"Goddammit, will you just stop it!"

"Look at me...just...*look* at me!" Wufei sounded like something had died in him. You could see the self-loathing roiling in his eyes, and in the tears that even now he tried to keep back. "I'm *disgusting*! Look at what I've become!"

"Wufei..." 

"Don't pity me. Don't...just, don't pity me."

"I don't pity you - I said I - are you fucking listening?!" the voice that barrelled out of Duo's mouth was shrill with desperation and something dangerously akin to manic despair, but Duo heard only his own need to make Wufei understand. "I don't pity you, Wufei."

Unseeing onyx eyes stared back at Duo in painful, abject incomprehension. Then, slowly, wearily, Wufei sank back against the dirt wall. "Everything, Duo," he said softly. "Everything can go on like it always did."

Duo blinked, almost recoiling in his confusion. "What?"

"Go back," Wufei raised his head. There was sudden calm in his countenance, something near serenity, as unreal as it was painful. "You have your life waiting for you."

And it was then Duo understood what Wufei wanted of him. But of course...it was Duo's own stupidity for not seeing it earlier. He smiled bitterly, releasing his hands on Wufei. "Heero isn't an object, Wufei." The silence from Wufei was reply enough and Duo continued, his voice low with the weight from his own emotions. "And don't use me as your little stairway to salvation."

Wufei's reaction came fast, and sharp. "What? I – "

"Shut up and let me talk." Duo cut him off, his words almost snapped off at each syllable in his cresting anger. "So you're letting me have Heero to make yourself feel better? So now you're the saint and I'm the bad guy? You're so noble, and I'm the street rat now, huh? You must feel *so* good about yourself."

"What do you mean by that!" 

Duo stopped. Again the transformation in Wufei was nothing short of astounding. One moment he had been practically *consumed* by his own anguish, and now, he was the very picture of wounded pride and trembling self-righteousness. If Duo didn't know better, he'd never have suspected for a moment that fragility actually existed within this shaking, seething Wufei glaring at him. 

"I didn't *give* Heero to you, Duo Maxwell. I never gave *anything* to you. All I know is when to retreat. And let me enlighten you on something else. If I hadn't given way, you'd never even stand a – " He stopped suddenly, face flushing in wretched recognition of the meaning behind his outburst. 

"Stand a what?" now Duo spoke, weary triumph weighing his words. "Stand a chance?"

The fire seeped out of Wufei's stance and he again, leaned heavily against the wall as if for support. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Forgive me, Maxwell. I did not mean – "

"Yeah you did." Duo followed suit and thudded his back against the comforting hardness of the structure. Crossing his hands behind his head, he stared up into the darkening sky. Night would come soon. 

Both of them kept quiet for a long moment, just absorbed in their own thoughts. It was perhaps not much of a surprise that Duo realised that he had not much else to say. He had found out all he wanted to know from Wufei. He had even found out more than what he wanted to know. He wondered bleakly if life had been better before the Wars, or after. Before, all they needed to do was fight, risk their lives which were worthless anyway for a purpose that had no definition. They needn't know anything about living. The civilians lived on their behalf. Now...things were different. Even they – five men still too young, and yet too old for this world – had lives now. And of course, as far as Duo was concerned, he had managed to spectacularly screw it up again. 

Beside him, Wufei was a tensed, unnatural presence. He was probably not used to having to deal with life either. If there was anything even remotely funny about their situation right now, they probably should be...maybe trading punches, instead of well...silence. So, it startled him, when Wufei was the one who broke this silence. 

"Why are you asking so many questions? All Heero needs is you. You opened him up, taught him how to be a person again. There is nothing else he would need if he just has you."

Duo shook his head without looking at Wufei. He couldn't because he knew what he would find. He would see a thin, wide-eyed face with that haunted yet earnest expression of someone still unschooled in the ways of the world. It was the same expression that had drawn Duo to Heero. A simple desire of wanting to teach Heero, to dig deep to uncover the person behind that stony veneer, had led to Duo falling hard for his own subject. 

"Can't judge like that, Wufei," Duo explained with a soft sigh. "Doesn't work that way. If I were all he need, he wouldn't have turned to you, would he?"

"But I don't understand. I did nothing for him."

A wry smile crept across Duo's face as he turned his head. It was as he had thought. He found a very confused-looking Wufei staring back him. The Chinese man looked like he had fought hard to understand, and now was struggling with his own inability to comprehend. Duo could see it in the kink of frustration between black eyebrows and rare vulnerability on oriental features. 

"Maybe," Duo paused as he sought to articulate himself through the whirl of unnamed emotions churning within him. "Maybe you have something he needs, and I can't give him that." It hurt badly to say it, but he had to say it.

"You are far stronger than me, Duo."

Duo smiled, a genuine one. Reaching towards the other man, he curled his fingers around one white-clad arm. 

The gasp was both unexpected and startling. Duo withdrew with a start, just as Wufei backed away, grimacing. It was a split-second later when Duo realised it was pain on Wufei's face that he was looking at. 

"Wufei," Duo said leadenly, and without giving the other man a chance to escape this time, he caught the same arm by the wrist this time and pulled it up. The sleeve rose easily, maybe a little too easily for Duo was hardly prepared to the thick bandages cinching Wufei's arm. Duo took a sharp intake of breath. How could he not have noticed them earlier? 

Chestnut brows slammed together as Duo looked up again. "You said I was stronger, Wufei," Duo spoke with difficulty through his warring emotions of both horror and disbelief. "Because Heero used you – and not me – as a punching bag?!"

Amethyst and obsidian were for a moment, just fixed doggedly on each other. Duo's gaze was unrelenting, almost accusatory as he waited for an answer that would confirm something that he had never been able to believe in. And Wufei...just gazing wide-eyed. 

Duo gritted his teeth as he waited. He could almost feel the struggle that Wufei was trying to overcome. He knew Wufei could either confess, or bolt. But Duo wasn't sure which option Wufei would choose, and this uncertainty only meant Duo was determined to wrangle a reply out of the silent Chinese man. It wasn't as if it would be the first time Duo played villain. 

"Wufei!" Duo pressed harshly. "This – " he glanced down at the bandages, a stark testament. "Did Heero do this? Look at me – did he do this!"

Obsidian eyes cleared suddenly and Wufei wrenched his arm away. He was shaking. 

"Wufei, did Heero – "

"No!" 

Duo lapsed into disbelieving silence, then shook his head hard. "You can tell me, Wufei. I swear no one else – "

"No," Wufei said again, calmly this time. His sleeve had fallen back into place. There was finality in his tone. "Don't judge us, Duo. It doesn't work that way."

That did silence Duo. It was one thing to spout philosophy, and another to have your own words thrown back into your face. 

"Go back, Duo. Heero would be back from the function by now. He doesn't like being alone at night. You would know that."

Duo leaned away from the wall. It seemed the civil talk was over then. He was sure he wasn't the only one between them who could feel the bonds that he and Wufei might have forged dissipate as they regarded each other. A kind of stoicism hung over them, something that they might have both learnt from the one ever-present link between them – Heero Yuy. He was the one thing they both could never run away from. 

Again, it was Wufei who spoke first. Later that night, when Duo had the time to reflect on things, he then realised that the tables had turned too at that moment Wufei spoke. 

"Let me give you something else to think about, " Wufei had said softly before turning to leave. His eyes bored right through Duo. "I got this injury on the Rosen mission. It was on the twelfth. Think about that."

  
++++++++++

  
Duo did think about it. He thought about it the whole way home, and even after he had entered his apartment. But his thoughts were interrupted by the near-darkness that enveloped the whole apartment. That was strange. Heero was supposed to be back. And...Duo tried not to cringe at the thought...there was no way Heero could be with Wufei tonight. 

Carefully, Duo eased along one wall, his whole body tensed. The sloping shadows that were cut into irregular shards by the single, forlorn balcony lamp, disoriented his senses in a way that would have been unnerving if he weren't in his own home. 

"Duo?"

That voice out of the darkness was startling, but Duo relaxed, relieved to hear that it was Heero like it should be. Duo reached for the light switch, stopped when Heero's voice said again, "Don't." 

Violet eyes strained through the dimness, peered hard before making out the faint outline of Heero sitting on the sofa. His posture was so rigid that he looked carved out of marble. and there was something about the almost unnoticeable quivering of strong shoulders that was just...wrong. Duo practically bounded over to his lover, kneeling down before Heero, and covering Heero's hands with his own concerned ones. 

They were so close, Duo could feel the faint rise and fall of his lover's frame with each breath, yet Duo had to see Heero from under that faint balcony light. He thought Heero's face looked deathly pale, the eyes unnaturally stark. 

"What happened, Heero? Something went wrong at the function?" he peered anxiously into Heero's bleak blue gaze. "What is it?"

Nothing. There was not a single flicker of reaction from Heero at first. Then, slowly, he blinked, a barrage of emotions flooding – montage-like in Heero's inability to mask them – into those deep blue eyes. And abruptly, he threw his arms around Duo.

Heero never spoke again the entire night. Neither did Duo. They stayed in the living room, with Duo just holding his lover as the man shook in his arms. Duo might have asked what was wrong like he would normally, pressing and prodding until Heero gave up his troubles to Duo's comforting. But Duo couldn't bring himself to say anything, for he knew the reason behind the anguished trembling that he was embracing now. 

He saw the beeper by the coffee-table, its panel a blur with the numerous messages from Relena trying to reach Heero. Heero never went to the function. And he saw the mini-disc that was clutched in Heero's fist. The same disc that Duo himself had recovered and watched in the morning. 

_It was on the twelfth. Think about that._

A slow smile – an expression that might have been the residue of a distilled pain – ghosted over Duo's lips. It was gone before it registered, yet its fleeting existence was enough to draw an ache to Duo's eyes. 

Wufei had gotten that injury from his mission. That was the twelfth. Heero didn't come home that night, now Duo remembered. On the thirteenth, Duo had visited Wufei at the ward and the nurse had joked that Wufei was really lucky to have a friend accompanying him for the whole of the night before. 

_Don't judge us, Duo._

Heero was no longer holding onto Duo, but was being held instead. His arms hung limply by his sides. It made Duo feel like weeping to see the thin streams of blood that trickled from one of those clenched fists. 

_Don't judge us._

Wufei wasn't just referring to himself and Heero. He was talking about them – all three of them. Duo had thought that all the while, he was the one who saw things clearly, and for what they were. But he had been blinded by his own mind, and he could see only now. Wufei loved Heero enough to let him go. Heero loved Duo enough to be let go. 

And Duo...

It took Duo all his strength of will to stay with Heero then, keeping his arms locked around his lover like he was a precious doll, and even stronger will to keep his tears where they belonged – inside him. 

Duo wasn't sure he could even love. 

  
  
  
  
*~ fin ~*~  
March 2004

* * *


	4. Holding The Light 03

**Sky Arc - Holding The Light 03**

Pairings : 1x2, 1+5, OC+5  
Rating : PG-13  
Warnings : Yaoi, angst, romance  
Disclaimer : Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu and associated affiliates, not to me!

Summary : After having given up Heero, Wufei must now live with his decision. The unexpected appearance of another man in the love triangle only plunges the situation into more chaos. 

  


* * *

He had deliberated over his decision to head back to the HQ this morning. He wasn't sure if he was up to another full, hard day of work. Une would understand if he took a day off; it would be his first in long time. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken leave, and he knew no one else would remember either. At any rate, he was truly fatigued, and not the least bit helped by several nights of five hours of sleep max in all. The recurring memory of Duo kept him awake. 

It was not so much of seeing Duo in his mind, but hearing and *feeling* him. Duo's energy and fluctuating emotions – unchecked for much of that fateful day – lingered long after they had both parted ways. It was like there was so much of Duo that some of him remained with whoever had been with him. 

Muttering under his breath, he groped for his watch and held it up. Already late morning. Then he remembered. He had been so degenerated in the mind he had completely forgotten to call in sick to the HQ. Truth was, he was not even remotely ill. Obsessing over Duo couldn't count as an illness. 

His mobile phone screeched so suddenly he nearly started out of his skin. Turning over tiredly, he grabbed and thumbed the annoying gadget. 

The voice that spoke on the other line made him slightly more alert. He couldn't quite register it at first, until that same feminine voice snapped, "Are you listening, Chang?"

His lips curled in a dry smile. "Yes, woman," he returned the favour.

There was a pause, then a full, bright chuckle erupted from Lucrezia Noin. She continued laughing for a moment longer, before sighing self-deprecatingly. "You'd think I was asking for it."

"You were," Wufei reminded her. "So, what is it?" He considered getting up and getting ready to return to the HQ, but his body refused to move so he just lay there, mobile phone stuck to one ear and Noin's perpetually vibrant voice filtering in from the other end. 

"Nothing much. Just personal concern for a fellow colleague. How are you?"

A frown gathered on Wufei's features as he thought that over. He didn't think missing a half day's work would be so earth-shattering that Noin had to call to ask about him. 

Possibly mistaking his silence for confirmation of his dire physical state, Noin continued, the inflection of urgency in her voice getting more pronounced. "Hey, don't keep quiet. If you're really under the weather, I can get Sally to check you."

Wufei's frown deepened. "I'm not sick, why would I need Sally to check me? In fact, I plan to return to work after lunch hour." In truth, he had already decided earlier to stay in for the day, but now it was better to return to the HQ to prove he was all right, and not dying alone in his apartment.

"You're not? But Heero..."

Wufei bolted upright, his haziness all but dissipated. "What did he say?" he interjected sharply. Taking a deep breath, he willed his thudding heart to slow down, before continuing. "What does my absence have to do with Heero?"

When Noin spoke again, she sounded hesitant, uncertain of the unusually dramatic response from Wufei. "Don't get worked up, Wufei. All he did was apply for leave on your behalf. He said you needed to rest."

Wufei found his hand shaking where it was holding onto the phone. "He did?" he said with difficulty.

"He sounded really serious. And worried. So, I got worried." Now Noin sounded almost sheepish. "But if there's nothing wrong, why would Heero do that?"

His breathing was becoming shallow. //Maybe because Heero still cared.// He wanted to believe that. He couldn't afford to. "Preventers interests." His voice was hoarse, his throat dry. "I...wasn't feeling well last night, and he knows. Maybe he thinks I should rest so I wouldn't jeopardise any mission."

"I see." Noin sounded unconvinced. Wufei could practically hear the famed woman's intuition telling her that he was lying. "So, your leave – "

"Cancel it," Wufei told her, one hand already trying to pull his ruffled bedsheets back into place. "I'm going back now."

  
++++++++++

  
Someone else had taken over his nightly shifts at the HQ, so now he worked the day. Like Heero...and Wufei. He had asked Heero if it would be better if they reached the HQ at different times so they wouldn't look too conspicuous. He didn't understand Heero's silence after his suggestion, until he realised that Heero thought he was ashamed to be seen with him. 

So, Duo quickly amended his careless statement, even going as far as to joke about who should be doing the driving to work, and in their relationship. Well...it was supposed to be a joke, except it absurdly got translated into reality and Duo had found himself sitting quiet and subdued in the car, with an equally grim Heero next to him in the driver's seat. Duo couldn't do much to crack the tension so he had settled for gazing absently at the bandages that were wrapped around Heero's hand. 

"Duo."

He blinked, suddenly yanked back to the present. Someone actually found his secret place? Glancing up, he was relieved to see that it was Heero, and not someone else. The Japanese man was turning his head this way and that as he checked their surroundings. Duo smiled inwardly. It was just like Heero to be perpetually suspicious of the environment. Then again, he couldn't blame Heero for being uncomfortable. This was Block 99C62, viewing bay 10 of the private shuttle-port attached to the HQ by way of several winding blocks and walkways. Altogether a very remote location for a Preventers officer to be in. 

Duo had sat here for most of his lunch-break, tucked away in a small corner between the looming grey beams of the viewing-bay panels. And he did nothing but stare at the taking-off and landing of the shuttles, the streams of workers milling about, looking like tiny ants from his view. Under the vastness of the skies, people were so insignificant. He had not been in space for a long time now...he had almost forgotten the feeling of being a tiny, tiny entity cradled in the velvet darkness of space.

"What are you doing here?" Heero asked. 

Duo blinked again. Christ, it seemed he couldn't focus on reality these days. "Nothing," he said truthfully. Heero nodded, but Duo could see that his lover was dissatisfied with that vague answer. Heero didn't demand a more valid explanation however; he never did demand anything more than what Duo already gave. 

He watched as Heero sat down opposite him, their crossed legs touching and resting against one another. There was a time when Heero had been afraid of physical contact other than one wrought about by conflict. He could kill with bare hands, but he was afraid of any other touch. It had taken Duo considerable time slowly peeling away those fears and inhibitions until he could take Heero into his arms. That feeling of euphoria of being trusted by the most dangerous killer among all the Gundam pilots stayed with him even till now. 

He watched Heero angle his head to stare out of the clear glass of the bay panel. There was an almost childlike curiosity to his demeanour as Heero craned his head a little to better see what the people on the runways were doing. There was also a certain gleam to his deep-blue eyes as Heero then focused his attention on the shuttles, and Duo knew Heero missed the skies like he did. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Heero spoke without turning his head. Now he was staring openly into the sky, his blue eyes seeming even bluer as they reflected the azure of the heavens. 

"I like looking at you like that."

Heero now turned to look directly at him. "Don't you have work to do?"

Well, so much for Duo's attempt at flirtation. "Yeah, but I'm procrastinating," Duo said blithely. "I don't wanna do anything today."

"Why?"

"'Cause of you."

The sudden paling of Heero's face caught Duo completely by surprise. "Sheesh, Heero, relax!" Duo tried to laugh it off, but silenced himself when he saw that the inexplicable expression on Heero's face was all real. "Hey...hey..." he reached out a hand, ignoring Heero's answering flinch, and laid his palm against a tensed cheek. "I was just kidding."

He felt Heero relax under his fingers.

"Ok, I wasn't kidding." Duo teased, once he felt that Heero had relaxed sufficiently enough. "You're looking so hot, every time I see you, I just wanna rip your clothes off." With that, he just continued grinning, watching Heero carefully for his reaction. He still had a hand cradling Heero's cheek, and he swore he almost felt a tingling under his touch, although Heero didn't blush. Heero never blushed. But Heero was capable of feeling shy, and this Duo was witnessing as he tried not to laugh at the uncertainty in his lover's cobalt eyes. 

It was not until he noticed Heero's lips moving that he realised that Heero looked like he wanted to say something. Smiling tenderly, Duo began stroking the arch of Heero's brow with his thumb. "Wanna tell me something, Heero?"

"Duo."

"Yeah? Go on, I'm listenin'."

"Would you leave me?"

  
++++++++++

  
"It's about time, Wufei!"

He sighed inwardly as he halted in his tracks. So much for his original plan of zeroing in as swiftly as possible on his office, locking himself inside and not come out until the day was over. He turned his head, and openly grimaced when he saw it was none other than Noin again. One of these days, he shall analyse why this woman always managed without fail to show up at all the wrong times. Or call at the wrong times too. 

"Stop giving me that dirty look. You're starting to look like that brat you used to be."

Honestly, only Noin ever had the audacity to refer to him in such a manner too. Wufei shot her a withering smile. 

"That's better," Noin said agreeably now that she had apparently gotten up the upper hand. "You busy? No? Maybe you can give Anders a hand."

Wufei frowned. The situation was straying further and further away from the original plan. "What's the problem?"

"Nothing too serious...I hope. There's suspect of a security breach. He's just running a check now...troubleshooting."

"You want me to sit there and watch a day's worth of CCTV with him?"

Noin had the sense to look rueful at his outburst. "Well...you're feeling under the weather, it's most advisable not to strain yourself."

"I told you, I'm perfectly fine. If this is about Heero sticking himself into my affairs – "

"This is about you losing focus during assignments for the past eight weeks."

Wufei felt like he had just been slapped. Or rudely awoken to the real world. Noin's gaze was steely as she matched his glare. At length, he spoke again. "Is that how it is?"

"Yes, that's how it is, for now."

"Fine." 

As he strode towards the security sector, Wufei thought he heard Noin calling his name, but he didn't turn back. Noin probably thought him the same insolent kid when they had first crossed paths when he was still a boy. Thick-headed, brash, arrogant, and every other term he had heard used on himself ever since he had swallowed his pride and joined the Preventers. The sad truth was, she was right. He hadn't changed much since the Wars; he was still as blind as he once was. So blind he had forgotten that no matter he went, and no matter what he did, he would always be shackled by the institution, and watched by the people. 

He entered the office so abruptly he saw Anders visibly jump in his seat. 

"Agent Chang!"

Quickly seizing his raging emotions and stemming them into a more controllable wave, Wufei nodded tightly back at his colleague. He was thankful that Anders made no mention about his high-strung state, even thought he had joined the Preventers only half a year back and couldn't have been all that familiar with Wufei's infamous temperament. 

"Sorry you have to be stuck at this shitty job with me." 

Wufei waved it off and sat himself next to Anders. As the man ran the surveillance disks, Wufei darted a glance at him. Anders back was to him, but even then, Wufei couldn't help noticing the rumpled locks of dark-brown hair that covered the nape of his neck. Wufei had heard everyone say it, but it was not until he was here, sitting so near to Anders that he actually realise just how much Anders looked like – 

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Now it was Wufei's turn to jump. Anders had turned his head fully to gaze back at him with a distinctly puzzled expression in his cobalt blue eyes. "Nothing," Wufei shook his head, focusing his attention back to the screens. Looked like Noin was pretty accurate in her assessment of his work performance. Lack of focus. 

Anders stared at him for a moment longer, before relaxing into a smile. "To answer your question, yeah, I do have Japanese blood. It's from my great-great-grandmother."

Wufei blinked in surprise, at both that voluntary sharing of information, as well the nature of that information. "That wasn't what I was thinking," he said flatly. Still, he wished people would stop assuming his intentions. 

A sheepish grin stole across Anders' handsome pan-Asian features. "Sorry. Just that I get that all the time. I figured maybe I should just wear a sign around my neck, you know."

It was hard to stay annoyed with Anders, especially with that rakish dark hair that always tumbled over his brows, making him look more like a boy than a Preventers agent. "A sign would help, I suppose," Wufei kept up the banter for a while, before retreating to the screens that panelled one side of the wall. "I'll check the surveillance on the east wings. What about you?"

"I'm gonna be done with the first-level sectors."

It was strictly work after that, the stillness of the office complementing the mechanical static and cackling from the monitors. Wufei kept his sigh inaudible as he watched the flashing images. It wasn't really a security breach, more like the remotest suspicions of a breach. Had this been serious, the HQ would have caught the breach and fried the intruder already. And had it been a network intrusion, he wouldn't have been assigned to the case. That wasn't his forte. Seemed like Noin had been truthful that menial jobs were going to be his workload until he pulled himself together. 

"Agent Chang, can you take a look at the shuttle ports? Since we're checking everything anyway..."

"Sure," Wufei cringed inwardly, but refrained from snapping. It was not like he or Anders had a choice. The screens flickered, before focusing on the ports. He raised a hand, touched a series of pulsing panels, and he was visually transported into the ports. He scanned the various departments, ran the visual identification check over the employees. It returned an all-clear. He was starting to feel like his time was slowly wasted away. 

"The viewing bays too, Agent Chang."

If anything, it surprised him Anders could be so enthusiastic about this 'shitty job'. So, Wufei switched the visual over to the viewing bays. Nothing. They were practically deserted. He watched the glowing green digital lettering as each viewing bay was quickly scanned. Four...five...

"Are you getting anything, Agent Chang?"

Wufei looked over to the other man, noted that Anders' attention was still riveted on his screens. Admirable enthusiasm. "No," he replied and turned his scrutiny back to his own monitoring. Nine...

Ten.

He blinked, arm already automatically shooting out to freeze the screen. He saw something. Brows knitting in a frown, he began slowly backtracking to whatever had caught his eye. He wasn't sure what he saw, but he thought they looked like intruders. The security breach was for real? Yet the identification check had not returned any message of possible un-identification. 

There. Viewing Bay 10. Two figures almost out of range of the surveillance monitors. He scanned them again. The check okay-ed them, which meant they were part of the HQ. Well, it was still best to make sure. 

He zoomed in on the image.

"I've been doing this the whole morning, and I've still got nothing. I'm starting to feel used."

He heard Anders' voice, but the words were nothing more than a blur of sound. It was like a wall was slowly closing in on him. All that echoed in his ears were the sounds of his own breathing, the irregular pounding of his heart, the ache behind his eyes as he stared unblinkingly at the image flickering before him. 

He watched the two figures seated between the beams of the viewing panel. He watched their smiles, their little touches, every little turn of their heads as they sat there immersed in each other's presence. He watched as one of them lean forward to take the other in his arms. He watched the one who was embraced resting his head against the shoulder of the other. He watched them share a tender kiss. 

"Agent Chang? You got anything?"

The second-level identification analysis was completed. The results flashed before his eyes in jarring blue. 

"Agent Ch – "

"Nothing" Wufei interjected as he swivelled around in his seat. His chest was hurting with the rapid, shallow rasps of breathing that he couldn't seem to stop. 

Anders was staring back at him with thoughtful cobalt eyes. "Is there something wrong, Agent Chang?" 

"No," Wufei shook his head. He jerked a hand towards the dials, shutting down the screen, erasing the results, and willing with all his might that the glowing letters of HEERO YUY and DUO MAXWELL would disappear before Anders saw them. 

"I see." Anders said slowly. His piercing cobalt eyes tracked towards the screen Wufei had been staring at, before riveting back onto Wufei. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes," Wufei nodded quickly, wishing that Anders would stop looking at him in that way. He curled his hands into fists to still their trembling. Could Anders have noticed that too? "I'm going to continue the checks." He would have continued, and he certainly made the move to, turning the screens back on, but he halted again in his actions, feeling the heat of the other's gaze right on him. 

Anders was still staring at him like he was trying to see right into his soul. Wufei chaffed under that scrutiny. Never had he been so aware of the effect of cobalt blue eyes could have on him till now. Wufei knew his face was burning, not just from the scrutiny, but from his helplessness at holding himself under that gaze. And those cobalt blue eyes just refused to let him escape. 

"Stop looking at me like that, Anders," he bit out harshly. 

"I believe I do know what you're thinking now."

Wufei gritted his teeth and turned back to his now darkened screen. Let Anders continue his observations. Wufei was taking no part in it. 

"You're thinking that I look so much like Heero Yuy."

He jerked his head up, but before he could speak, Anders beat him to it. 

"I get that even more than the mixed-blood thing. Seems no one can ever get over me looking like Heero Yuy."

"You..." Wufei managed with difficulty, trying not to get ensnared by those eyes again. "You don't – "

"I'm not Heero Yuy. I can be more than him."

A sharp pulse of anger coursed like electricity through Wufei, and he stood up. Too quickly. He felt light-headed. Already, he had lost sense of the direction the situation was taking. He needed to get back to his office. He needed to erase the images he had just seen, and erase whatever delusions Anders was going off on. He never even knew Anders *haboured* such delusions. 

"If you want to forget, you can't keep running away."

Wufei turned his head slowly in Anders' direction. He kept a hand rested on the door, leaning his weight onto it like it was a lifeline. What was happening to him? His head felt like someone was drilling into it. He stared at Anders, who had also stood up and was facing him with such a gentle expression on his face. He looked so much like Heero Yuy. Everyone at the HQ knew that, even Wufei. But now, that resemblance was starting to pain him. The same unruly dark hair, the same eyes of the same cobalt shade, the same insistence. 

What was Anders proposing? That he filled in as a substitute for Heero? 

"Leave me alone, Anders," Wufei rasped thickly. "I was the one who brought everything upon myself, and nothing can change that." He needed to get away – now. The pounding in his head was starting to hurt so much it was a dull buzz around his mind. 

"I can help."

Wufei closed his eyes, groped blindly for the exit slot. He had to leave before the world closed on him for real. Then he felt a firm, gentle hand on his shoulder. 

"Let me help, Wufei."

  
++++++++++

  
//Would you leave me?//

That question had caught Duo by such surprise he was stunned into silence for several long moments. But Heero had been completely serious. His eyes, even darker and bluer in their intensity, held an expression that not even Duo could decipher fully. It looked like hurt, like hope...and like fear. It spoke of weariness, of abject incomprehension, and even of anger. 

He had answered Heero the only way he knew how, curling his arms around Heero as if that could be reassurance enough. He wished that Heero had at least pushed for a verbal promise from him, but Heero hadn't. On hindsight, Duo wasn't sure if he could promise anything anyway. The only reason why he was still around was because he wasn't as self-sacrificing as Chang Wufei. 

Duo grimaced as he yanked on his jacket with short, sharp movements. Sue him but he hated self-sacrificing people. Why couldn't they all strive for what they want? It angered him that he could only have what he wanted at someone else's expense. And most of all, it angered him because it made him feel that his feelings were cheap in comparison. It was like he was suddenly thrown back into time when he was still a street urchin, fighting and tearing just for the most miserable scraps of living. 

Well, right now life was Heero Yuy. 

Duo wasn't giving up just like that. 

"I'm not leaving, Heero Yuy," he muttered to himself. "Not if I can help it."

His day was over, but Heero was still bogged down by a last-minute assignment, so he was leaving first. As he headed towards the first level, he wondered vaguely what he should cook for dinner. Heero ate anything and everything, that was the problem. Maybe pasta. The idea of rich, sinful lasagne sounded incredibly tempting at the moment. 

He stepped out of the HQ, out into the open air. Vaguely, he wondered if Wufei had been back to the HQ; he had not seen the Chinese man for the whole day. The moment that thought had ran its course, he froze in his tracks.

Speak of the devil...

Wufei was just several yards away, but from Duo's position, Wufei wouldn't have noticed him. Wufei was still clad in his Preventers uniform, his ponytail was loose and the wisps of escaped hair around his face was a statement of the unrest that Wufei must have been weighed down with all this time. He seemed fatigued and every now and then, he would raise a hand to his head to rub at his temples. 

Duo bit his lip, not sure if he should be spying on his colleague like this. More distressingly, the pangs of guilt that were starting to make themselves known were an even stronger reason for him to pretend that he didn't see Wufei and just head straight home. He still had dinner to make. 

Yet there was something about the way Wufei was standing...it seemed he was waiting for someone. 

The answer became clear just a second later when Heero stepped into Duo's line of vision. Duo knew his heart stopped beating for those seconds as he stared in disbelief as he watched Heero begin speaking to Wufei. Then, his eyes widened. 

That wasn't Heero. 

Yet, whatever relief that Duo might have felt paled as he tried to discern the scene in the setting light. He saw the man placing a hand on Wufei's shoulder, even squeezing it in what should look like reassurance. Surely Wufei would resist! The Wufei that Duo knew would never tolerate the touch of another stranger – and such a frivolous touch at that. To Duo's confusion, not only did Wufei not protest, he allowed himself to be steered by that man in the direction that had obviously been pre-planned. 

Duo stepped out from his position, flexing his hands in helplessness as he watched the disappearing figures of the two men. What was going on? He knew that man. Ray Anders, a competent Preventers agent and whom everyone said could be a carbon copy of Heero Yuy, not just in his skills, but in his appearance. No way...Duo tried to regain control of his raging thoughts, but it was no use. Wufei had barely left Heero for a week, and now he was with another man! What the fuck?! And of all people...could it be because Anders looked so much like Heero? But...Wufei had the right to choose whom he wanted to be with.

It was ridiculous for Duo to feel as vexed as he did now. Wufei was practically the best hand-to-hand combat specialist among them, he could protect himself far better than anyone could. But the Wufei he had just seen was no longer the man he used to be, a complete shadow of his former self. More importantly, and the thought made Duo's insides clench. He could read people like a book, yet he hadn't felt any vibe that Anders might have towards Wufei...until just now. And he was wary of people he couldn't read.

Everyone said Anders looked like Heero Yuy, and it was true. Maybe Wufei allowed his defenses to be breached because he needed to pretend he was still with Heero. Maybe Anders had only harmless intentions. Duo didn't know. But what he *did* know was that for all of physical similarities, Anders wasn't Heero. It was as clear as that. Heero's eyes hid nothing. His emotions were as straight and as simple as a child's. Anders was everything else Heero was not, and that was enough reason for Duo to get moving. 

In his hesitation, he had lost sight of them. But he pursued the path he had seen them take, his eyes scanning the streets for signs of Wufei. 

It didn't escape him – the irony of himself chasing after the lover of his lover, but he could laugh at himself later. 

Right now he needed to find Wufei. Fast. 

  
  


* * *

**Author's ramblings :** Honestly, the fic took a turn for the unexpected. ^^;; And that is the appearance of Ray Anders. What do you think of him? This is the first time, I believe, I've allowed an original character this amount of fic time, LOL. At any rate, whether or not Anders will continue to play a significant part in the development of the story will depend on how my muses. Often I dunno how they think until I'm already writing it. ^^ And of course, feedback is most appreciated! ^o^


	5. Holding The Light 04

****

Holding The Light – 04

**Pairings :** 1x2, 15, OC5  
**Rating :** PG-13  
**Warnings :** Yaoi, angst, romance  
**Disclaimer :** Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu and associated affiliates, not to me!

**Summary :** Unable to let things rest, Duo is obsessed with trying to put things right, until Wufei shows him that the one really running away...is Duo. And could Wufei actually see a possibility in Anders?

* * *

Wufei lifted the glass to his lips. The liquid tasted bitter on his tongue. He barely noticed what was going on around him in the bar, except it looked like the one he and Duo had visited just not so long ago. Then again, all bars looked the same to him. He didn't pick this place; Anders did.

He raised his eyes and instantly was arrested by Anders' gaze. It was so blue, its cobalt depths seeming even darker under the lone glow from the hushed spot lights embedded in the ceiling. He looked away again, staring down into his drink. This was a mistake; what was he doing here anyway? He had allowed himself to be brought here by Anders.

That man was the wrench in the whole equation yet. Wufei tried not to but already the process of questioning and sleuthing had kicked into gear in his mind. Now that he actually put thought to the matter, it became apparent to him that the signs had all been there but he had been too caught with working out his part in the strange limbo with Heero and Duo that he hadn't noticed. Lately his recent assignments had involved Anders in one way or another, the last being the rather pained surveillance check.

"Is your head feeling better?"

"Aa..." Wufei murmured, before realising to some surprise that he was being truthful. That migraine had eased somewhat what he was sitting here conducting a mental monologue with himself.

"Maybe because you're no longer obsessing over Heero."

The flush deepened on copper cheeks. Wufei looked up sharply, but by then, his anger had already dissipated. For some reason still yet unknown to himself, he found it impossible to keep up any anger against someone who could just sit opposite him, nailing all his problems, carefully tearing down his defenses, while maintaining that characteristic half-serious, half-teasing manner.

"How do you know?" Wufei said instead, sinking back into his seat like all his bones could just melt into the leather. His fatigue made itself known at all the worst times – always. "We kept it from everyone."

"No. You kept it from people who didn't look deeper. Or didn't want to look deeper. I chose to find out."

"Why?" It just seemed natural to ask this at this point.

Ray Anders tilted his head, his dark-brown hair tumbling carelessly over his eyes, and the curve of one cheek catching the light, lending a touch of striking beauty to his form. Leaning forward, he leaned his elbows on the table. There was quiet smile on his lips. "Wanna find out with me?"

XXXXXXXXXXSixty minutes of aimless searching and Duo was starting to feel really foolish. What was he thinking, taking off after Wufei like this? Christ. Although rash and impulsive actions were his shortcomings somewhat, he had probably just taken it too far.

The sky had already darkened into night. Oh, fuck. He had been sure it wouldn't take long for him to find Wufei and Anders, but apparently, his sense of direction and his gut feeling were both off the mark.

But he still couldn't shake off that uneasy feeling that had clung to his insides all the way since he had first seen Anders taking Wufei away. Ok, so he made it sound like Wufei was a little kid being led astray by some evil man, but Wufei was like a child in many ways. Like Heero.

Duo sighed explosively and slapped a hand to his forehead. He was starting to confuse Wufei and Heero. Both men made his protective instincts go on overdrive. Fucking hell, Duo groaned inwardly. Playing protector would kill him one of these days.

But right now, he needed to get his bearings. He was in a rather unfamiliar part of town. Slipping into the streams of passers-by, he tried to look as inconspicuous as possible, something which he always achieved with ease, except right now everyone seemed to be staring at him as he past by them. Maybe it was his imagination, but it was hard to get over that feeling of the world watching his every step.

Lowering his head, Duo jammed his hands deeper into his pockets and hurried along, the welcoming thoughts of home beckoning in his mind. He was so deep in thought he nearly walked headlong into the patron that had just stepped out of one of the bars that lined the street.

"Watch it, Duo Maxwell."

Duo froze, before laughing softly and looking up, already recognising the owner. "Hi to you too, Anders."

The agent was standing by the opening to the bar, a picture of unruffled self-preservation as he casually leaned against the brick wall, cobalt blue eyes appraising Duo with the coolness of the practised. A gentle curl of breeze lifted his hair, before it dropped back into his eyes. There was something so unearthly about his whole countenance now, that seemed to Duo that he might as well be a shadow on that wall. And just this alone, Anders was a complete transformation from the disarming, easygoing colleague in the HQ.

"Ahh...trying to guess me, Maxwell?"

Duo kept his face neutral. It wasn't a good idea losing his cool right here in the middle of a street. And he hadn't even seen Wufei yet. No way would he let Anders see the real extent of his uneasiness that was ravaging at his insides. No way in hell.

"What's there to guess?" Duo shrugged, sliding his hands into his pockets. "Anders, Ray. Aged twenty-three years, seven months, three days. Graduated top of the Academy with seven perfect scores out of ten. Joined Preventers at age nineteen and a half years. Made it to HQ at age twenty-two years, three months exactly."

"Hmm..." Anders' cobalt eyes widened, before crinkling up as he smiled. "You noticed."

That warmth in his eyes was the most unsettling, Duo realised with a start. For all this time as he stood here, having this strange and altogether directionless conversation with Anders, he had been trying to pin it down. Even as the answer struck him, that same cobalt-blue warmth dissipated, replaced by cool calculation. Chameleon, that was Anders. Which shade was he? Which mood?

"Where is Wufei?" Duo said calmly, letting the underlying weight of his tone carry all his warning to Anders.

"Is this an interrogation, Maxwell? Investigation? Because I believe you need proof of any possible misdemeanour on my part to do that."

Duo felt his jaw twitch. Anders was smooth. "Nah..." he broke into an effortless grin. "It's just a question."

"Ohh...which means I can choose not to answer. Can I ask you something too, Maxwell? What are you doing here, getting all hot and bothered about Wufei, when your own lover is waiting for you back at home? Won't he suspect something?"

Not only did that barb hit its mark, but the manner of ease and complete smugness with which it was delivered only served to pierce right into Duo's composure. His control was slipping dangerously. And fast.

"Don't tell me...you love Heero Yuy so much you're going to help him fuck around behind your ba - "

Anders' voice was choked off, ending with a laboured gasp as he was slammed back into the wall. An arm was jammed against his throat, grating viciously against the vulnerable flesh and cords. Duo leaned his face close, a sinister parody of intimacy, his breath ghosting against Anders' lips.

"Don't ever drag Heero into his, you fucking bastard." His voice was soft, laced at every inflection with threat.

Anders would retaliate, would strike back with fist. Duo wanted it with every nerve in his body. He could feel even his blood singing in his ears as he felt the corded muscles of Anders' throat straining under his arm.

Anders' arms dropped to his sides and he slumped against Duo's hold.

Duo almost recoiled in surprise. It looked like surrender on Anders' lips, until his lips curled in a smirk that mirrored Heero Yuy's at his most destructive. "Why's...why's that, Maxwell?" he grate out between gasps and blithe chuckles. "You get Heero...I get Wufei. Sounds...sounds good to me."

"Because Wufei has no idea what you are."

Anders smiled. "Why don't you tell that to him yourself?"

It was probably seconds too late that Duo realised that something was off. Whipping around, he found himself staring right into a narrowed, black gaze. "Wufei." The word slipped from his lips. Bad timing.

"What do you think you're doing, Duo!"

XXXXXXXXXXNoin tapped her fingers impatiently against her knee. Every second and then, she'd catch herself staring at the watch strapped on her wrist. It wasn't quite the time for the meeting yet, but damn, did she wish the other party was a little more attuned to the dash and hurry of the pace of life in HQ.

Heero Yuy had never been early for any meeting.

At the precise moment the digits read twenty-hours, there was a knock on her door.

"Come in," she called out, feeling uncomfortable already. If not for the fact that Une had to leave on urgent business and Zechs was still away on his assignment, there would be no need for her to play the cool leader right now.

"Noin," Heero acknowledged as he came up quietly to her desk and sat down opposite her.

Straight to the point. "Have you read the details?"

"Yes."

"And?" Noin probed. When the reply didn't surface, she looked up in surprise. It was not like Yuy to stall in his decisions. He was aware of her merciless scrutiny, she knew, although he didn't react to it. Instead, he just stayed motionless in his seat, eyes focused on something beyond her.

Noin gave him the precious minutes he needed. Had he been any other agent, she would have been putting his nose to the grindstone already. For the five ex-Gundam pilots however, she would make an exception anytime. Their years of fighting while facing the relentless onslaught of a universe so much older than their far-too-young years gave her reason enough.

At length, Heero's gaze was riveted back on her. In those minutes, it almost seemed like he had aged. This was a different Yuy, she understood at a glance. One that could feel, could hurt, and could care, even in this time of war-purchased peace.

"I cannot choose."

Her eyes widened imperceptibly, but before she knew it, her composure had slipped. "Why? Not like you, Yuy."

Silence.

"You know," Noin continued. "That we cannot spare both Wufei and Duo. You'd have to pick the more suitable one. I'm sure you have already assessed all of their strengths and shortcomings."

"Yes, I have."

"If that's the case," Noin could feel her annoyance start to rise. If anything, she hated wrangling over a decision. "I don't see what's the problem you're having deciding on a partner for the mission."

"I cannot choose," Heero repeated blithely.

Noin frowned, but she held her tongue. Somewhere during the course of the rather one-sided conversation, there was a certain resolution in Heero's gaze that she only noticed now. It was the same kind of resolution that made Heero Yuy the person he was. A simple, clear and single-minded resolution.

"But I have decided."

She remained silent for just a moment longer, before nodding and leaning forward. "Let's hear it."

XXXXXXXXXXBefore Duo could actually formulate a reply, he was grabbed around the arm by a hard, copper hand and towed deeper into the alley.

"What was that all about, Maxwell?" Wufei was clearly seething. "Look at you. Preventers uniform. Identification strip all there. Do you have the slightest idea what a public assault of another agent could mean for you?"

If anything, Wufei's outburst drew a silent, irate shrug from Duo. Perhaps there was some expectation of a more explosive reaction from Duo, but no, just that bristling, impenetrable storm of emotion. Behind Wufei, Anders dusted himself off with cursory, smooth motions. Adjusting his collar, squeezing his neck as if to make sure it hadn't been snapped, all carried out as if Duo hadn't just attacked him.

"Dismissal," Wufei continued like he was giving a lecture on HQ discipline. "Maybe instant dismissal."

"Look," Duo finally spoke, his voice a steady leaden weight tempered with the unmistakable composure that only could be heard when he was at the limits of his tolerance. "I'm not going beat around the fucking bush, Wufei. We need to sort this out - by ourselves. Stop running away. And stop - please for fuck's sake - stop pretending everything's fine."

The expression on Wufei's face grew heavy, like a slowly-gathering storm upon his features. It probably mirrored Duo's own troubled demeanour. This was one of those ironically rare times, where they had never felt more distanced, and never closer to each other. Feeling the same kind of pain, wrestling with the same kind of tumultuous emotions, yet in each of their own paths of solutions, never reaching a consensus.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do, Duo," Wufei said at length, knowing that between them, someone had to break that weighted silence. "If you can answer my questions."

Duo nodded, shoulders easing from their tensed quivering. He seemed relieved, possibly even glad that Wufei was willing to be agreeable, and surprised. Probably he was recalling the last time they held a question-an-answer session in the drinking parlour. Then, Wufei had been unable to stop taking the guilt trip.

"You had Heero first, and I came later. Why are you doing all this for me?"

"I - " Duo faltered.

"I know things can never be the same, and so do you. Why do you keep wanting things to keep going back to the way they were?"

"I don't! I just - "

"You came out here wanting me to return to Heero just to keep Heero happy, even if it means you would be unhappy. Who's running away now?"

Duo was silent for a long time, and Wufei allowed that silence, hovered in it, waiting for the answers that he knew wouldn't be voiced. Then, bearing an expression that Wufei couldn't read, Duo's violet gaze shifted from him, to Anders who still was watching on quietly, then back to him. He stepped back. Just a little step, but it seemed like he was receding into the shadows cast upon them from the patterns of people and streetlight of the world around them.

"Don't look back," Duo smiled softly, and finally.

XXXXXXXXXXWufei didn't say yes to that, but he did walk away. Beside him, Anders was a constant presence. Some part of him felt strange that there should be someone with him at such a time, but another part of him welcomed it.

The walking away was always the hardest. Resistance was easy. Pushing back when the other persisted, drawing away when the other pleaded. But this walking away, knowing that you were playing to your own tune when others had turned silent and the fear of what would become of you when you were alone, was the hardest.

Wufei did look back, but then he had walked so far he could no longer see Duo even if Duo was still standing where he had left him.

"Do you think maybe I overdid it a little?"

He halted in his tracks.

Anders was several paces behind, having stopped on his own accord. Now he smiled ruefully back at Wufei, a handful of locks already tumbling over his eyes as he bent his head towards his neck. One of his hands tugged at the neckline of his shirt, and Wufei finally noticed the rows of finger marks on his skin. Feeling acutely guilty, Wufei turned back towards Anders. As he neared, he could that the marks were already turning dark.

"Duo has quite a temper when he gets angry," he said awkwardly, knowing it wasn't much of an apology, and yet not knowing what else to say.

A pause from Anders, before he looked up. His face was solemn. "He's stronger than this."

Anders could be referring to Duo's physical strength of course, but Wufei doubted that.

__

Duo's stronger than this.

So true...Duo was the strongest among all of them. He tried to keep things going even when everything was failing, he tried to keep things happy. He just kept going and going, like all would be fine as long as he kept pushing. Wufei had looked back because Duo's presence was as strong and as bright as the light itself. That was the kind of person that Duo was, wasn't he? A spark that wouldn't go out, holding the light even when it burned him.

"Yes," Wufei replied, not quite remembering what he was replying to. He glanced up, noting the deep, blue eyes riveted on him. "Thank you." His gratitude ran far deeper than his two words of thanks. Without Anders' help, there was no way he could get Duo to let go.

"Do I get a reward for it?"

That made Wufei hesitate. He searched Anders' face carefully, overstepping all the points of similarity between those refined features and Heero's own. Other than the ever-piercing gaze and the benign, yet sharp expression that Anders always seemed to be wearing, he could read nothing into Anders' intention.

"Can I guess what you're thinking?"

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "If you can."

"I can't. But I want to."

So, that was the reward.

Anders stepped closer to him, his presence seeming to magnify and envelop that small space between them. "Would you let me?"

Wufei thought Anders might touch him, breach that distance and somehow reach him, but Anders stayed where he was. It was confusing and bewildering, how Anders always seemed to side-step his expectations. He turned, seeing the street that stretched out before him.

Then he turned back to Anders and nodded.

* * *

fin   
May 2004

**A/N :** Yup, this is the end of the **[Holding The Light]** series. For the next part **[Eclipse]** in the Sky Arc - the focus will shift away from Duo a little more. I have an OCx5 to take care of. Plus, I think I need to explore why Duo and Wufei could love Heero as much as they do, and why. Thanks for reading! 


	6. Eclipse 01

****

Eclipse - 01

Pairings : 1x2, OCx5, 15  
**Rating :** R overall  
**Warnings : **Yaoi, angst, citrus, romance  
**Disclaimer :** Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu. Not me.

**Summary : **Against the backdrop of growing violence threatening the world, the human drama of Heero, Duo, Wufei and Anders continue to play out.

****

A/N : This series has a different mood from **[Holding the Light]**. The scope is larger, there're more people involved and the various troubles between the characters are now matched up against the bigger picture of the world around them. However, there will be continued exploration of the two different relationships - 1x2 and OCx5. I'd say the mood will be darker too, since these are turbulent times.

* * *

Almost every ranked official of the pacifist organisations supporting the cause of Relena Peacecraft was present. Many of these men and women, he had seen and met before in past and present dalliances as a top Preventers agent. Others, he was careful to scrutinise as discreetly as possible without looking like a hawk. These were the ones he didn't recognise, and he etched them into the annals of his mind, starting from general points of appearances, then progressing to little behavioural idiosyncrasies, the gait and footfall, the voice and tone.

It was an exercise he indulged in habitually, and something he never managed to rid himself of. There...had been a time when he wouldn't be alone in this exercise. He would stay half-hidden in the shadows of the background of a social function, hanging at the boundaries of the bustle of people, blending in, yet always watching. He would draw comfort from the extra presence right by him, and a quiet, barely-inflected voice speaking in a tone that was completely flat, yet underlined by caustic humour.

__

Playing bodyguard has its perks, Chang Wufei.

Sometimes memories like these made him smile.

Lifting his head, he adjusted his stance, easing the setting cramp in his limbs. He cast his gaze across the expanse of the ballroom.

The convention had lasted for a week. It was the last day today. With the tedious meetings and talks finally dealt with, and new policies drawn up, these pacifist o fficials finally had the allowance of time to indulge in the high-brow closing ball. There was general good cheer around. Old friends, old foes, meeting once again. The Preventers had to be there naturally. At least, the upper echelons of the HQ rank, and that included him. The world was enjoying unprecedented peace, the Preventers were doing their job with aplomb. Yes, the usual sugarcoated accolades for the wonderful state that the world was in.

He watched the young woman who was the core of the attention. She was dressed in shimmering resplendence and stood near the centre of the ballroom, chatting amiably with several representatives from an organisation whose name was inexplicably lost to him at the moment.

Relena Peacecraft.

Involuntarily, his hands twitched and he had to still them with some effort. She was single-handedly one of the shrewdest women he had ever crossed paths with. She might not be schooled in the art of war, but if it were possible, he was sure she could have held a degree in human resource management. It was obvious she had with minimal efforts, all these officials eating out of her hand. There was also another reason for his grudging, wary admiration for her resourcefulness.

The way she had handled the open secret that was Heero and Duo's relationship. Bowing out gracefully, yet managing to maintain a working relationship with both men that tilted in her favour.

His hands twitched again. He noted with some weariness it was getting to be a conditioned response. His eyes, errant and working at total odds with his logic, reflexively searched out for the trigger that was responsible for it.

He found them instantly. And like a stalker, he watched them intently.

The tall, compact Japanese man with the striking blue eyes stood just several feet away from Relena Peacecraft. By sheer practice and skill, he had managed to blend into the background yet keeping himself close enough to safeguard her life. The man's face was half hidden by heavy bangs, but even then, his posture radiated alertness and caution. And circling him the same way he was circling Relena, was another man. The hair was always the most noticeable of the second man. Long, russet and slung over one shoulder in a thick braid, it accentuated the bright personality that came with it. The one binding thread between the two men was the way they were attuned to each other.

They looked so right together it was painful to watch.

Rather unfortunately perhaps, he had the occasional masochistic tendencies and he watched anyway.

"Agent Chang."

He heard the teasing inflections in the tone even before it registered in his mind whom belonged to that voice. It was a voice that his brain was still unused to hearing on a regular basis. Turning, he nodded at the man who now joined him on the balustrade.

Ray Anders was on duty as well, although whether or not it was by cunning planning or just coincidence that he happened to be on this assignment, Wufei would prefer not to guess. And he certainly looked right for the occasion if nothing else. His longish bangs were flipped back from his eyes, bringing the angular beauty of his face into sharp focus. Cobalt eyes caught his own, before the Eurasian man smiled disarmingly at him.

Wufei blinked, wondering whether or not to return such an enthusiastic greeting. In that time-span he spent trying to decide on an appropriate response, Anders laughed softly.

"Do you always think so much, Agent Chang?"

He looked away, hoping his discomfort wouldn't be as obvious as it felt. He was just...unused to such greetings from not-so-familiar people.

He didn't realise there were fingers at his face until his body jerked instinctively and he looked up just in time for the touch to close in. He bore it as well as he could, those tanned fingers brushing the stray lock of hair behind his ears, just skimming his skin.

"There." Anders nodded his head like he had just accomplished something great. "Now I can see you."

Wufei was sure his face was burning and he berated himself inwardly for reacting like a schoolboy. It was also starting to vex him how he was getting worse and worse at anticipating the other man. He tried not to flinch when Anders began brushing at his shirt, as if there was lint on it, imaginary or not. And as usual, his negative reactions barely deterred Anders as he continued his little mundane task anyway.

Absently, Wufei turned his head towards the ground floor again, where the ball was in full swing whether or not his mind was in it.

He froze.

Heero was staring straight at him.

* * *

"No...ah, Hilde, you're a menace! You're trying to get me drunk, I know it!"

"Damn, there goes my secret plan of getting Duo Maxwell drunk and bringing him home."

"And then...?"

"And then...Tying him to the bed and then...hot wax on sensitive areas."

Duo Maxwell threw back his head and laughed. "God, that's evil!" He shook his head, animated violet eyes still dancing. "But I like it."

"Like what? The hot wax? Or me?"

Generous lips curved into a warm smile. "You."

Equally animated eyes, their colour just a shade lighter than Duo's own, shone as Hilde Schbeiker chuckled in response. She had stayed on L2, but returned now and then. Mostly it was for work-related stuff, but times like these, it was just to make sure Duo was okay. The both of them had remained fast friends even after the wars, maybe even growing closer as Hilde made it her duty to play surrogate nanny to Duo. Some part of him realised that that role hadn't come easy for her, but she had taken it simply because that was the closest they could get as...friends. He couldn't love her the way she might have hoped for, and she would never risk their friendship by asking.

At the present however, he chose not to dwell on such potentially unhappy memories, not when they were buried in the past, and here they were, meeting up again after several months of individual commitments. A Relena Peacecraft ball was hardly the best opportunity to catch up on old times, but it sufficed in other ways. It was a treat watching Hilde Schbeiker straightjacketed into a gown and all lady-like when Duo knew she was dying to get her legs out of that constricting satin and into denim.

"If you like me so much, bastard," she said succinctly, noticing his valiant efforts at containing his mirth while eyeing her dress. "Stop laughing at me!"

Both of them laughed then, at the silliness of themselves and the unspoken agreement of the redundancy of the ball. Neither of them believed in pretty politics, although they were both exposed to it on a livelihood basis.

"You're looking good, Duo Maxwell."

He grinned at her compliment, uttered in that brusque manner that was supposed to look offhand. He was certainly no stranger to compliments, particularly where the appearance was concerned. In actuality, he cared less about his looks than his demeanour suggested, but he was aware of where his aesthetic values lay, and that they were concentrated on his built, his long hair and naturally, the unusual colour of his eyes. But, compliments coming from Hilde were few and far between, and he wasn't about to let it slide that easily.

"Don't make me fall in love with you, Hilde," he joked.

"You can't. I don't have a dick."

His hand stilled in mid-motion of raising his glass to his lips.

As if realising how serious she had just sounded, Hilde smiled, shaking her head in apology. "What I mean is, I'm not Heero Yuy."

"Ah," Duo managed a chuckle.

"How are...things, Duo."

"Fine."

"You know, some things - "

"I don't know." Duo interjected gently, but firmly. "Some things, I don't need to know."

Hilde refused to budge, though. Her lips pursing into a familiar expression of stubbornness, she frowned. "That sounds very unlike you."

It was only because it was Hilde that Duo was willing to continue the conversation. He was the master of conversational change and technique; he didn't need to do this. Sighing, Duo smiled again. "Believe me, I've tried. Trying to find out about everything. Wanting to know. It hurts." He shrugged, but that casual movement was belied by a leadening of his tone. "I've hurt people too."

"What - and it's better to not know anything at all?"

"Been there. Done that." He didn't add that at least, by not knowing, he had been happy. Ignorance was truly a bliss, if only he had realised it sooner.

Hilde had turned her head and was staring at someone near the centre of the ballroom. Duo followed her line of vision, and wasn't surprised to find that it was Heero that was the object of her critical gaze. He turned to her quickly.

"Hilde...it's not all his fault..." He faltered, suddenly aware of how weak he sounded, the way he fished for excuses for everything, even Heero. Christ, maybe Hilde was right about how much he had changed.

"I know." She looked away from Heero, back at him. There was a wry, reprimanding expression on her face that reminded him of a schoolteacher. "Heero's an ass sometimes. But so are you."

"I feel your love." Duo said dryly.

"Besides...there's no right or wrong in love. Only forgiveness."

Maybe it was the way Hilde said that, like she herself wanted to believe it and it was something she had been telling everyone even if she wasn't all that convinced by it yet. It made a laugh form in Duo's throat, and suspicious moisture well up behind his eyelids. "That's terrifyingly sappy, Schbeiker."

"I hear you, Maxwell," Hilde gave a mock grimace, then smiled, more for Duo's benefit than anything else. "I'm working on it."

They didn't really talk much after that. Hilde drifted off to converse with a group of old friends, and Duo found himself hovering near the centre of the ballroom, not quite sure what to do himself. He didn't have any real business here, in reality. It wasn't a mission or assignment either. But Relena Peacecraft was the main event at this ball, and that counted for a lot. Every time she appeared at a public function like this, she would need the best personal bodyguard there was.

And if Heero were going to be present as a bodyguard, then Duo would have to be there as well. He didn't doubt Heero's abilities, but he did doubt Heero's self-disregard whenever and wherever Relena was concerned. Over the years, Duo had learnt to take Heero's devotion to Relena's cause in his stride. If there was no way around it, then Duo was certainly going to make sure he went through with it.

He felt his heart skip a beat as his eyes fell discreetly on his lover. As expected, Heero was circling Relena just several feet away, but so skilfully nobody did take real notice to his presence. The Japanese man was wearing a semi-formal suit that Duo had picked personally. It lent an air of intensity to Heero that had Duo's heart skipping like a fangirl's even with the status of their relationship.

Status...Duo snorted wryly to himself. Exactly what status they were still remained debatable.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Heero move suddenly. It was a deliberately-inconspicuous motion but no one would be surprised that Duo picked it up anyway. Vaguely perturbed, Duo was about to head towards his lover, when he realised that Heero had raised his head and was staring intently towards the upper floor.

Duo looked up before he could stop himself.

It was like an intangible but undeniably present bridge of silent communication between the two men.

Weary non-surprise registered in violet eyes as Duo watched the man at the other end of Heero's scrutiny. Chang Wufei, who had just managed to rein in his recent haggard countenance under a staid Mandarin suit and his now-trademark hair tail. Chang Wufei, also the shadow that haunted his and Heero's consciousness at every turn, and even now at an opulent ball with too many people.

Duo did wonder what communication was transpiring so silently between the two men; what could have caused those grim lines fettering Wufei's face as he met Heero's gaze with admirable steadfastness. Duo could only read Heero; the way the man's shoulders drew back so stiffly when another figure appeared behind Wufei.

Ray Anders. The latest addition to their happy love triangle.

It was really cosy, the setting right now. Heero and Wufei unable to tear their eyes away from each other; Anders' smile over Wufei's shoulder that was directed at Heero.

Whatever it was, it was none of Duo's business. He had been through a year with Heero not knowing anything about Wufei. He had been through months with Wufei knowing everything. At the end of it all, it seemed he was still trapped in this whole black hole of murky connections. That was all there were. The possibilities of resolution and reconciliation were present but they were still too elusive and all Duo could see were just the suffocating webs binding all of them.

He turned away, towards the ball. Hey, stuffy people or not, it was still a party, right? Parties were Duo Maxwell's forte.

He stepped towards the nearest familiar face -

And a deafening explosion rocked the entire ballroom.

* * *

Tens of pairs of eyes watched the screens as the scenes of the blasts were replayed right before them. Except when viewed on a screen, the effect was diluted, like they were watching the horror through lenses. It only underlined the very real devastation that many of them had been swept up into not more than twenty-four hours ago.

"...at around 2000 hours earlier in the evening, leaving at least thirty dead, most of whom are decorated war veterans and government officials. The representatives from the Colonies were not spared either. General Antony Grasler, who has been acting leader of Colony FIR23-01 for the past five years, is still reportedly missing in the explosions. The Preventers have declined to comm - "

The broadcast was abruptly muted. Commander Midii Une regarded her ranks of Preventers officers with ill-disguised gravity. "Will I be stating the obvious," she said quietly, heavily. "If I tell you that the reputation of the Preventers has been severely damaged because of this event?"

Silence greeted her, and she wasn't surprised. Usually, her Preventers were more than competent in their work. Most of them had been through the Wars and were more than equipped to deal with the post-War struggles. This time, to put it bluntly, they had screwed up. Yes, the damage-control and reconnaissance had been carried out with as much efficiency as possible. Many of her officers had been injured in the blasts and the rescue work.

Yet all these didn't change the fact that the disaster could have been averted. Starting right from the top of the ladder with Une herself unable to prevent the disaster and right down to the intelligence department for the leak of information and the breach in security, nobody was spared from responsibility. Their long-standing detractors would have a field day with this latest blow to the Preventers' credibility.

Raising her head, the lines of worry on her face became apparent. "I want everything," she finally said. "Every little detail, every possible explanation. And a name. Nobody leaves this building until I get it. Dismissed."

One handing finding the table-top for support, Une watched wearily as her men and women filed out of the conference hall in the same tensed silence. They had been working tirelessly since the bombings, but all of them also knew their efforts weren't quite enough yet. Amongst the ranks of officers, Une's gaze rested on Heero Yuy. The Japanese man had reported back to the HQ as soon as he had escorted Relena to certain safety.

"Yuy," Une said quietly, calling him back.

As if some tacit understanding passed between them, Heero turned and headed towards her. Une stared at the screens relentlessly blaring a barrage of news and live footage of the blasts. She had yet to address the main concern and the anxiety ate at her.

"Heero." Une said without turning her head. "I expect Noin had spoken to you about your mission?"

"Yes."

"Grasler's death - "

"He's not necessarily dead."

"He's presumed dead until we find him." Une corrected. She was not up to playing word games at the moment. "His death will affect your mission to some extent or another."

"There is that possibility."

"Colony FIR23-01 is not going to yield easily with their leader dead from his only visit to Earth in five years." Une closed her eyes briefly, resisting the urge to rub her temples.

The blasts were the most recent wrench thrown into the Preventers agenda. The plans to start mediating with the most remote, renegade colonies were already underway, and Colony FIR23-01 would have been the first target. At the rate things had taken a turn, it was unlikely the peace pacts would proceed at all.

"I am still on the mission. We'd take off for Colony FIR23-01 in exactly a month and three days as planned."

"I'm not doubting you, Heero." Une said, managing even a smile at one of her most fearless men. "But your partner...I'm not sure I understand the wisdom behind your decision."

Heero remained silent for a moment, looking like he was pondering his own decision as well. At length, he raised cool deep-blue eyes and matched her gaze unwaveringly. "I've reviewed all the candidates' work profiles and backgrounds. I chose him based on his necessary arsenal and connections that would aid the mission, rather than hamper it."

Une nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "Duo and Wufei are both good choices." Then she eased. "But I trust your decision."

Heero Yuy turned and left the conference hall.

* * *

Sally Po stepped out of the operation theatre, together with the medical staff who had just operated on Hilde Schbeiker. She was immediately accosted by a harried face and demanding hands that clamped too hard on her arms.

"How is she? Tell me!"

The field doctor kept from grimacing. Slowing down her steps, she nodded to the team and they hurried ahead. There was little time for perfunctory niceties when there were still so many lives hanging in the balance. But she had her own duties yet.

"Duo." She turned towards the young man, hard gaze softening when she saw how haggard he looked. For a moment, she let herself slip out of her professional mode. "Come."

For a moment Duo looked like he was ready to protest, but eventually he did let himself be led to the row of seats by the corridor. He sank into one, and Sally settled herself into the one next to him. Sally turned sympathetic eyes onto him, quietly taking in the splotches of dried blood that crusted the white fabric of his clothes. She wasn't sure if the blood was from Hilde. She was at the HQ during the explosions and all she knew of the tragedy was from the media reports and neverending stream of the wounded into the hospital.

"Sally."

The doctor laid a hand on Duo's shoulder and squeezed. "Internal haemorrhage. But she'd live. Hilde's a strong woman, Duo."

Duo's lips trembled as he struggled to digest her words. Eventually, he nodded, so rapidly he looked like he was shaking. "Yeah..." He tried to grin but had to turn his face before the silvery drops of saltwater spattered onto his shirt. "She's strong...she'd get through this like she gets through everything, you know...Sally..."

She looked away when he sank his face into his hands in silent sobs, but kept her hand on him. They stayed like this for moments. She only took away her hand when his quivering had stopped and he looked up with a quick dash of hand across his eyes.

Without looking at him, she spoke, "You can't see her yet, Duo. She's still in intensive. But we think she'd be transferred to a regular ward soon enough."

Duo nodded and this time, his grin managed to come through. "Thanks, doc."

"Would you like me to call him?"

They both knew what she was talking about.

"No."

She was genuinely surprised and it showed. When she turned her head, Duo was running a hand through his tangled waves of hair. It was a gesture of weariness, but resolution as well.

"You know," Duo stared ahead at the wall. He gave a hoarse chuckle. "Right now...everyone is about everyone else...Don't call him, Sally."

"I see," Sally nodded.

In times of turbulence and chaos, when the backdrop of the world loomed large, each person belonged to several other persons. Sally had been deathly worried about her colleagues at the HQ but she also had her patients. Heero would have been here if Duo would but give the signal, but Heero had Relena's safety on his agenda, and others that Sally might or might not know. Duo himself was in two minds between Heero and Hilde while he paced the corridor outside the operation theatre, as Hilde fought for her life inside.

Sally nodded again, knowing she had just spoken to the ex-Gundam pilot Duo Maxwell. It was not often she had the chance to do so with the Wars having ended. It brought her a curious sense of fresh understanding, just as well as she had been told of how Heero had used his body as a human shield around Relena, how Wufei had been rushing to and from blast site to the HQ despite his injury, how Trowa and Quatre were far away from Earth but had been constantly in touch with the Preventers to help in any way they could.

With no small sense of regret, Sally stood up slowly. Even after the Wars had ended, the lives of the five ex-pilots she knew remained eclipsed by the world around them.

"I need to go, Duo," she said.

The young man looked up at her, his face serious at first before he offered her a Duo smile. "Might wanna catch some sleep, Doc. You look like hell."

"Well, you look like shit. So we're even."

Sally turned before she caught the shock on Duo's face at her language. She knew that shock will later turn into a smile on his lips; she just didn't have the luxury of waiting to find out. Leaving the brief moment of respite behind, she strode down the corridor, where she knew there were more patients waiting for her.

* * *

"You're very good at this," Wufei remarked, his rather critical gaze riveted on the hands deftly bandaging his arm.

"Comes with practice." The other man grinned wryly. "I was top of the first-aid class, you know."

The Chinese man snorted softly. Bantering was good. It almost made him forget about the bloody and charred ruins of the ballroom and the screams of the guests ravaged by the fire. There had been no time to think, to wonder how the security had been breached when they had been so careful. He didn't remember much after that. It was like his body went into auto-pilot, rallying with the other security personnel around the surviving civilians, getting them out of the chaos. He just knew he had to keep moving, keep working so the noises around him were kept to a dull buzz and he couldn't hear the sharp agony above it. There was so much screaming...

The mass meeting he had attended earlier despite being ordered to rest in the infirmary had been a harsh reminder to every single officer that what they were doing still wasn't enough.

An arm curled around his shoulder, and Wufei blinked, suddenly brought back to earth. He remembered this touch.

"It happened too fast," Anders' voice was saying.

Wufei didn't quite hear Anders. He was still remembering the details. The details. He had to recall them right for his report. The touch...the solid pressure cradling him during the blast. He had been thrown to the ground during the explosion, ears ringing from the deafening blast. Ray Anders had been right there with him, his arms thrown around Wufei as the shockwaves reverberated around them.

"Hey..."

Wufei looked up.

"You okay?"

He nodded. He couldn't really shake off that strange feeling. It was surreal yet too real, knowing that he might have died in the explosion and yet surviving. It wasn't relief at finding himself still alive, yet he didn't regret that he survived. He did feel the horror of the number of deaths and the manner of death of the civilians, yet it was a tragedy he was used to. It was like hitting the replay button of a scene of disaster. The horror was real every time but then it got diluted every time, and still the replay wouldn't stop...

He didn't actually feel Anders' lips until they had already left his temple. Wufei stared at the Eurasian man in muted surprise.

There was no forthright answer in Anders' eyes as usual. The surface expressions were easy to pick. Business-like efficiency tempered with the kind of empathy that could have only come from another treading the same path. It was the murky emotion that lay beneath the readable ones that was elusive. People used one another, taking and giving, but there was always something to be given and something to be taken. Wufei still hadn't found out what Anders wanted from him.

Wufei let himself be drawn into the embrace. It felt good in the way that it shouldn't feel as good as this. There were firm hands at his shoulders, fingers meeting the knots of tension in his body and digging deep to work out the kinks.

"Agent Chang."

Wufei raised his head, struggling with the sluggishness setting into his limbs and even his eyelids. Was it the loss of blood? Had he lost that much? It was really just a flesh wound, but he was so tired...He looked up into deep-blue eyes that were slightly crinkled as if they were smiling.

Anders' wavy, dark-brown head tilted towards him. "May I?" An unassuming request tendered in an equally unassuming, mellifluous tone.

The breaths against his face were so warm they felt like a caress.

"Wufei."

The Chinese man jerked back sharply. Obsidian eyes, previously hazed but now clearing quickly, darted to the entrance of the infirmary where his name had been said by a voice he'd recognise in his sleep.

Heero Yuy.

* * *

fin  
August 2004 


	7. Eclipse 02

****

Eclipse - 02

Pairings : 1x2, OCx5, 15  
**Rating :** R overall  
**Warnings : **Yaoi, angst, citrus, romance  
**Disclaimer :** Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu. Not me.

**Summary : **Heero and Wufei meet once again. Duo is hurt, confused and guilty over Hilde's condition. And would Anders be sidelined once more? Things come to a head this time.

****

A/N : Shifting POVs and changing scenes to watch out for, because I need to resolve issues between the main characters. I hope no one is too confused. One thing about delving so deeply into the characters' minds is that the threats of thoughts do get rather tangled.

* * *

"Wufei."

Tensed at the doorway, Heero Yuy looked at once rigid and tired. Like most of the officers, he was still clad in the same attire he had been wearing during the function, and like most of them, he had been working continuously since the explosions. But unlike them, he had an emotional responsibility to the purpose of the function, and that purpose was Relena. Relena had lived, but was concussed for a period after being taken away to safety. The toil of waiting for her waking while his mind remained at the destroyed ballroom where most of the officials and Preventers - and Duo - were still trapped showed. His sockets looked near-hollow, and the blankness in his gaze was startling.

Wufei tried to rise, failing, and realised that Anders' arm was still belted across his shoulders.

Wufei froze then, caught suddenly in the absurd reality of it all. Seeing Heero again after all that time of pushing him to the back of his mind...Heero and Anders in the same room, the first time they were near enough to act on each other's responses, the disturbing likeness in their grim expressions, and the even more disturbing differences between them. Twin cobalt gazes warred silently, yet cackled with mosaics of emotions that were entirely each of his own.

"Should you be here?" Anders spoke, his deliberately pronounced tones belying the casualness of his words. "Agent Yuy?"

Across the ward that was feeling increasingly tighter and more suffocating in steady degrees, Heero did not even flinch, but Wufei could see the twitch in his jaw. It almost made Wufei wince on his behalf.

It was a clever and stinging barb, Anders' pointing out concisely the fact that Heero had somewhere else to be rather than here with Wufei.

"Wufei," Heero spoke again. His manner remained unchanged, with perhaps just the slightest hardening of his tone that could be caught only by the most sensitive of ears.

Neither did Anders' arm budge from Wufei. "Oh, I heard, Agent Yuy," the Eurasian man's face eased smoothly into concern. "That someone close to Agent Maxwell was injured in the blasts. When you see Agent Maxwell, do convey my sympathies to him."

The Japanese man had no reply to that. Still so silently, he stood at the doorway, waiting. Yet the iciness in his countenance made clear that he had heard Anders and he felt the effect of the man's words.

Silence again, and thick tension. The whole tableau treaded the fine line between the bizarre and downright absurdity. Two near mirror-images split into polar ends, and between them, Wufei teetered like an unstable fulcrum.

Wufei realised then, that even in times of turbulence, the little human dramas in life still persisted. There was a very real threat of unrest on the horizon, waiting to erupt. There were larger things to think about, larger purposes to uphold, and still, humans could never get over themselves.

Wufei wasn't sure if he should laugh or scream. Maybe both, then perhaps they would all realise what fools they were. He could get Duo to join in, and laugh at themselves. They would have a lot to laugh about and for a long time too, because Wufei couldn't quite see the end of this show. He wondered what the civilians would say if they were watching too, especially those who had died. Maybe they'd damn Wufei and company all to hell.

"Well."

The arm disappeared from Wufei's shoulders, the weight of it lifting so suddenly the Chinese man thought he might fall.

A hand was quick to steady him before pulling away. Anders' tensed jaw relaxed into a disarming grin as he stepped away from the cot. "Guess I'll go grab my caffeine. And Agent shouldn't think too much." He reminded Wufei as though the latter was his patient, before turning to leave.

Wufei's mouth opened and his hand twitched, but at length, no words came forth and no action ensued.

Heero and Anders both stared straight ahead as the latter eased past the former on his way out of the ward. Yet, for the briefest moment, twin pairs of cobalt eyes might have met, although there were no spoken words to play witness.

Wufei sat back in the cot. It didn't seem relevant then, but now, Wufei thought he might believe that the last aerial battle between he and Heero had been prophetic. It was a sign that even letting himself be injured by Wufei's hand, Heero would still win. Was Heero going to win this round again?

He looked up as Heero reappeared by the side of his bed. He kept quiet when long, callused fingers settled on his bound arm.

Then obsidian eyes flew wide when he was hauled into a hard embrace.

* * *

Duo uncurled his arms from his knees. Around him, the rising and ebbing crests of dizziness nearly made him curl right over and go back to sleep. God, his head...at least he wasn't really thinking anymore, not when his mind refused to form any thread of coherent thought at all. Was this even a good idea, him being ordered home to get some sleep? He supposed it was. Hilde was still unconscious and unable to receive visitors, and he had been keeping vigil for hours.

Besides, what was the use of an officer who was as awake as the walking dead...

He cast a hand about until he grabbed the table-clock. The luminous digits glowed 1...9....49.

He had slept for barely two hours. Well, fuck it. He was going back to the hospital. But first...

A small frown gathered between chestnut brows as Duo sniffed at himself. He recoiled instantly, feeling his skin crawl. The stench from the blast site still clung to his clothes like thick sludge. The smells of charred flesh and blood and acrid cement.

Bile rose in his throat and he lurched sideways into the wall. The nausea...battering at him...He needed to -

Staggering upright, he forced his legs to move, stumbling, almost falling again but he moved. He spilled into the bathroom, feet skidding on the tiles. He was...almost there.

A blind grope and the water lanced down on him. It was cold, not that he actually felt it. He just knew it, from the way his flesh seized in reaction and the involuntary shudders that wracked his doused body. The water soaked right through him, his clothes, his hair, and he was almost grateful as he bowed his head to let the water cleanse him.

__

Duo!

He was turning. Like a detached spirit, he saw himself turn. She was standing right there. Had he ever seen her eyes look that way? So wide, with the whites showing.

Duo, watch out!

Even under the chilling spray of freezing water, there was heated moisture leaking under Duo's shuttered eyelids. They burned a trail down his cheeks, as though making sure he felt them, before getting lost in the ceaseless shower water.

* * *

He was giving into the kiss as he would have always in the past. It demanded him to, painful in its blend of force and desperation. A hand was at the back of his head, holding him still even as he struggled to speak between one brutal kiss after another.

They shifted, almost in unison as Wufei fell back onto his uninjured arm, Heero following his descent to grip his supporting wrist. Wufei's back met the sheets with a hollow thump. The sheets twisted around their struggling bodies.

The moment Heero's lips lifted from his, Wufei was hissing as he grated under the other's weight. "Stop it, Yuy! You - " The rest of his words were bit back in a groan as a too-hard hand grasped his shoulder, jarring his wound. He was pinned.

Something painfully familiar and déjà vu in the fingers digging under Wufei's shirt and raking feverishly across his skin. His heart pounding so hard it was a steady ache in his chest, Wufei shoved against the limbs trapping him. There was a moment's pause in Heero's body, then he was leaning harder into Wufei like his life depended on it.

"Wufei, I need..." Heero's hollow plea in his ears and then hands were at the top of his pants, working frenetically at the button.

And Wufei could feel it - the blind panic that had seized Heero's mind and was now translated into this forcefulness. Wrong. This was wrong. Wufei knew Heero's singular, all-consuming and intense desire; he had given in every time before, craving release and solace in the other man's will. It was the only thing that had ever allowed him relief from the shackles of his own consciousness. But it was not the same now...it just wasn't. Even with his mind still locked in a void, his body was resisting. He couldn't give in now, not when he had just learnt with every shred of resolve within him not to give in.

Wufei stopped struggling, falling limp to the hands that were rough as they yanked at his clothes. He stared above him where Heero's face loomed down at him. The man's face was deathly pale, his lips trembling and working as though they were speaking, although no sound ensued.

It was like lapsing back into the past, and Wufei was done with the past. Motionless, Wufei made no move to touch Heero, or even to resist. But he did speak and it surprised even himself when his words came out reinforced by steeliness he hadn't known existed within himself. "Heero. Enough." And even as the words left his mouth, Wufei learnt that Heero's hands weren't tearing at him, but shaking against his skin, and that the gleam in Heero's gaze wasn't of cruelty but of despair.

Heero fell against him like he had finally bowed to the invisible burdens weighing down on him. Wufei lay quietly under him, just receiving and absorbing the violent trembling of Heero's body. There was always something profoundly sad when the indomitable fell.

Heero Yuy was such a figure, created as a weapon to fire wherever his creators pointed at. Without that direction and without orders, he was lost in the wake of newfound humanity. He knew only to give and take in precise degrees. Where one person had taken from him, he exacted the same measure from another. Where he was given more, he would bestow the same spillover to another. He had yet to understand that emotions could never be calculated and that losses and excesses and every grey area between them were what made them real. Choices were arbitrary for Heero could only take to fill a void and give when the void turned to flood.

The weight above Wufei lifted as Heero pulled away. Wufei sat up slowly.

They were both silent, sharing the space and quiet until Wufei broke it. "Sometimes it's about wanting. Not needing. And..."

It was a struggle for Wufei to even talk like this. Most times, before he had Heero even became more than friends, he didn't talk like this. Words had been unnecessary following the nature of their relationship. It was a wordless pact, almost instinctive, the way they had used each other when sometimes they thought they didn't deserve the little gifts of brightness that the world sometimes offered. They still weren't used to people, the both of them, Heero perhaps more so than him, and they weren't used to having someone there waiting. Wufei thought he understood that fear of getting used to having someone to return to only to have such a privilege taken away.

"And that is something only you can decide for yourself." He finished simply.

* * *

Fingers curled around the dial and turned. Steam rose around him, fogging the mirror and even his senses. His skin turned red. If it hurt, he didn't feel it. It was good hurt, he supposed. This would clean him. He didn't want to smell the blood and the hurt on himself again. He had been unable to get to Hilde in the chaos and he remembered himself falling automatically into routine to rescue the civilians. Even then, his mind was removed from his task.

He hadn't been able to even see Heero through the thick layers of both survivors and corpses.

And breaking protocol, he abandoned his post to search for Heero.

A strangled sob escaped Duo as he sank his head into his hands.

That was his worst fear come true, that he had let his emotions get in the way of his work.

If Hilde had been injured beyond cure, it was his fault. If more civilians had died because of him, he'd never forgive himself. And still...still, there was a part of himself that refused to let go of Heero.

There were precious few things in Duo's life worth clinging on to, and when they were within his grasp, he hung on and could not let go.

He had always wanted Heero. It had started off pretty innocently. He was fifteen - no, they were both fifteen, just teenagers despite their chosen paths. He had a teenager's mind, moods, loves but an old man's worldliness. Heero had been an almost total opposite: an intelligence and self-resolve far beyond his years but with the core of him completely untouched by real emotion. A blank piece of paper.

For almost five years since Duo had been scrawling on that same blank piece of paper as much and as skilfully as he could. It was the most difficult task he had ever given himself. He didn't know when to stop, how to stop, whether to stop, and he had no way of telling if he had left even the faintest mark on the enigma that was Heero Yuy.

It was true when he had told Hilde that he had been to both extremes of knowing nothing...and knowing everything. And he had been truthful to himself when he decided he had been happier with not knowing anything.

Well...if that was the case then...

Overhead, the water was relentless, a scalding waterfall.

* * *

The moon was young, a pale disc in the inkiness of the night sky. There was a period of time when he stayed watching the moon for long moments. It seemed time always passed by a little more slowly during those moments, making his mind recall, letting him feel. On nights like those, there were also times when he did not watch the moon alone.

This night was the same...yet different.

Once, he would have been waiting for the other presence to slip silently into his room, for the ghost-like figure to reappear right behind him and almost surprising him, for the startling strong arms to curl around him and pull him away from his ritual of moon-gazing. And he would let himself be pulled away, into the dimness of the room where all he could see was the darkness and the haunting cobalt eyes he knew were waiting for him.

Tonight...he was still waiting...but for the other to leave.

He closed his eyes when familiar arms wrapped around him, and he felt instantly, the change in texture and tone of this embrace. The temporary warmth it used to offer had dissipated and in its wake, was comradeship instead. It was a loss nonetheless, although this felt more right than the embraces of the past. This was what should have been, and not what had been, that was why this was right.

"Wufei."

Night-black eyes opened slowly. He nodded.

The embraced tightened fleetingly; a wordless goodbye. Then it was gone.

The warmth on his skin surrendered to the chill of the air.

He cast his eyes back to the sky. Night after night, the sky remained the same no matter what happened to the earth below. Sometimes there were stars, sometimes none. At other times there were rains that blazed the whole nightsky a brimstone and rusty orange. But at the end of it all, the night was still there.

It had not been two days after the blasts, the latest catastrophe to strike them. What he found amazing was when the screams had long stopped and the dust settled, he could still see the moon.

"It's been a while," he said to her.

And in reply, he could imagine her haughty toss of head at being proven right. _I told you so_, that must be what she was saying. She was right. There had never been a single night that Heero had came to him just for him. It was always, always because of Duo. That already should have warned him, but he was a foolish human blinded by his own obsessions and his own selfish desires.

He smiled wryly, tiredly. After having ran around so many circles, he was back to where he was before everything began - solitude. Lifting his head, he took a deep breath of the night air. It was dark still, the night, and even for the moon, he could not see as much of the world as he would have liked.

But the air was clear, and clean.

The door opened behind him. "Wufei."

He waited a moment, before turning. "Ray Anders."

* * *

Clipped footfalls staccatoed on the flooring at regular intervals. Lifting a hand, Sally Po raked it through her hair. The locks felt thick and sticky. So did the rest of herself. Just a little while more, she told herself, before she would leave her post to someone else and take a rest. But until then, she couldn't leave the patients alone. The death toll had been minimised. Still, the price had been great, and the true repercussions would only be felt once the storm had calmed.

She found herself heading back to the corridor she had left not too long ago. She had to do it, she told herself. She had to make sure Hilde Schbeiker was all right. And even though the younger woman was still heavily bandaged and kept isolated in the intensive-care ward, she needed to just see Hilde.

It had been a while.

Sally massaged her temple where the throbbing was worst. It had been a while since such a close comrade had been hurt. It brought the reality of unrest to a sobering stop right at the Preventers' doorstep.

Turning the corner, Sally paused in her tracks. She recognised instantly the figure standing motionless outside Hilde's ward, but the actuality of matching face to realisation arrived a little too slow in her fatigued state.

"Une," Sally said at length.

The leader nodded, not looking away from the glass pane that separated the world outside and the ward. When Sally was near enough, she thought she saw the faintest glimmer of pity in the other woman's eyes. But when Une met her eyes, her gaze was hard behind her spectacles.

"How is Duo?"

"Taking it well," Sally replied quietly. It was not a lie, but it was not quite a truth either. It was what was expected of any Preventer.

"Good. I need everyone functioning properly." Une paused, then opened her mouth as if to continue. But then she shut it, lips pressed into a grim line.

Sally said it for her. "We still have so much left to do."

"Too much."

"Mission FIR23-01."

Une nodded. "We're going ahead with it. Heero gave me his assurance."

It was unofficial, this sharing of mission details. Sally was specified in the medical field although she was a Preventer, and classified missions were out of her bounds. Yet she knew most of what went on behind the scenes, gleaning her information in bits and pieces over clandestine conversations, grasping the unspoken meanings behind vague dialogues. Not a word leaked from her however, and that was her way of sharing her comrades' burdens.

"His decision surprised me." Une continued.

Sally nodded, her face not betraying her own puzzlement. Heero Yuy's decisions had historically been borne of the most careful calculations. They were extreme, but they could be predicted. They never surprised.

"I had thought at first he would pick..." Then Une stopped and shook her head reproachfully. "I shouldn't be talking about this now."

Sally understood. In the face of escalating uncertainties in this fragile world still racked by the after-effects of the Gundam Wars, everything paled in comparison. That was how it was. Here they were, two jaded war veterans discussing big issues in a small hospital.

Silently, they sat side by side. In the even quieter ward on the other side of the glass wall, the third woman slept, unconscious but nevertheless one third of this brief reprieve from the world outside.

* * *

He turned the dial and waited for the last of the water to cease on his skin. Around him, thick curls of fog blurred the details of the bathroom. This was an apt physical representation of the uncertainty that dulled his senses. He knew something was wrong with him. He couldn't think clearly, he couldn't see clearly and for the first time in his life, he was a complete loss at what to do. His mind could throw up no solution at all, and not even the feeblest excuse of any suggestion.

Mostly he was tired. It was the kind of fatigue that had nothing to do with need of sleep or rest, but that which seeped right into him with a dull kind of ache.

Outside the bathroom, he knew the apartment would be swamped with darkness like the way he had left it when he had stumbled blindly into the shower. It would be just like those times when he and Heero had clashing work schedules and each of them returned home to solitude. This time, it might be different however.

This time...he had no confidence Heero would even return. Not when he was with Wufei. After protecting Relena, the first person Heero had wanted to protect after her was not Duo.

At least...he himself knew that much.

He should have known it right from the moment he discovered that he was not the only one Heero needed, and the moment that he knew he alone was not enough for Heero. And then there were the moments of keeping himself company while Heero shared wordless, pained looks with Wufei.

Those looks had been in existence even before Duo had decided that it was Heero he wanted.

That was the one thing that he still kept from Wufei, and the one thing that even Heero didn't know. Even knowing that there was unspoken bond between the two men, he had taken a gamble by making his move. He was willing to risk everything he had just to fight for the one person he had ever wanted in this life.

It was not until this very moment, in the face of possible defeat, that he realised he had staked too much in the gamble...and how much of a sore loser he was. He couldn't walk away after all, not like Wufei could and did.

Let Heero do that. If Heero was that good at walking in and out of people's lives, he could do it. Duo was weary of it, and he still had so many pieces of himself to pick up, it was going to take all the time he had from there on to finish it.

Blankly, he watched as the figure took shape in the steam still trapping the bathroom. Was his mind was so taxed by all his obsessing it was starting to hallucinate? He remained motionless, just looking with detached interest as the outline of the phantom thickened into a defined shape, then began to form.

Hilde? His heartbeat quickened. He needed to see Hilde. He wanted her to come right up to him and smack him upside the head like she always did and tell him he was such an idiot, like he usually was.

The moment he saw the colour of the eyes, he knew it wasn't Hilde.

"I'm back."

That was what Heero always said when he returned to the apartment from work. He never had a word of affection or the slightest display of romance when he stepped in from the doorway. Duo had learnt over time that "I'm back" was Heero's equivalent of "I'm home", and that the barest softening of his eyes was an invitation for Duo to kiss him, and when he wanted to kiss Duo he would do it without frills and just do it, and when Duo was down Heero would somehow be around. Those were real, those little bits and pieces of moments.

Violet eyes widened. "Heero?" Then they narrowed in confusion. "Why did you - "

This living, breathing, real Heero stepped up to him. "Detour," he spoke and the word resonated in Duo's ears and he knew for sure this was no phantom. "I had to take a detour."

"And so you're back now..."

"Yes."

"I see." Standing so close, Duo knew Heero could see his pathetic tears. "That was some detour." He laughed shakily.

Then, Duo lifted a hand and swung his fist into Heero's face.

* * *

Heero would stand at a measured distance, using his presence as comfort and his silence as reassurance. He would have responded the way he deemed best for the situation. His emotions would have been real and unsullied by motive, but they would also be checked by rationale. If it were Heero, he would have came and went as quietly as a shadow.

Instead, Ray Anders entered the room with each footfall heard and his breathing uneven like he had rushed there. His expression was a conflict of forced composure and straining concern. There was no stability in his demeanour, and no single-minded intent in his stance.

"Wufei," Anders bit out, realising his presumptuousness a second late. "No, I mean - Agent Chang. Are you - " His cobalt eyes raked swiftly over the dishevelled state of Wufei's attire, and they narrowed, before easing again. "I see. Pardon me. I shouldn't have disturbed your rest. Perhaps I should - "

"Anders," Wufei cut him off. "Would you come here, please."

The other man hung back for a moment, the spark of uncertainty in his gaze a betrayal of his usual suave composure. At length, he seemed to remember himself and he approached.

He stood beside Wufei, at the spot where Wufei had gestured. Wufei regarded him wordlessly. Anders had turned his head so he was looking out into the sky. The customary self-possession had returned somewhat to his eyes. Wufei wondered if he would mention Heero, and ask in his smooth, wary manner what he and Heero had done. Or maybe he would guess and then react in anger at the possibilities a dishevelled shirt could hint at.

Wufei decided that it would take too long to wait for the other man. "Don't talk." He ordered when Anders looked like he was just going to say something. "Don't - just stay like that. Don't say anything."

Taking Anders' face in his hands, Wufei kissed him hard.

Their mouths collided, breaking apart briefly, before melding together again. Wufei felt the hitch of surprise in Anders' breathing, but then Anders' mouth turned pliant beneath his, letting Wufei force the kiss into a near painful one.

Anders was like water - fluid and unpredictable. His taste flowed into and out of Wufei's mouth before Wufei could grasp it; each flavour was followed by the next too swiftly.

Wufei pulled away just as abruptly. He was breathing hard and so was Anders. They were not quite looking at each other. Rather, they did it through feel of the trembling of the air between them and the sounds of their echoed pants.

"You know..."

Wufei looked up.

Anders had turned his head again so he was staring up into the night. "The world does look different at night, doesn't it?"

* * *

fin  
August 2004 


	8. Eclipse 03

****

Eclipse - 03

Pairings : 1x2, OCx5, 1+5  
**Rating :** R overall  
**Warnings : **Yaoi, angst, citrus, romance  
**Disclaimer :** Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu. Not me.

**Summary : **After decking Heero, a numbed Duo no longer wants what Heero used to give him. And having just lost Heero, Wufei uses Anders for comfort, or is the other way round (the crappy summarising skills are back).

****

A/N : cough To those who are still following this fic and haven't been turned off by my absurdly long writer's block, thank you. nod I appreciate your patience! And oh dear, I hope this chapter isn't...disappointing or something. wince I won't take that long a time for chapter 4 though! At least that's a thought. Comments appreciated of course!

* * *

The blow rocked Heero's head to one side.

Duo watched blankly. His chest was too full, swelling with an emotion that threatened to burst from him altogether. His fist was still raised, trembling, the backs of his knuckles raw. He felt no pain.

When Heero looked up slowly, a thin trickle of blood dripped from his split lip to his sleeve. It was a stark red streak on the dirty white of his shirt.

Duo's arm drew back for the second time. Swung

Heero saw it coming; he watched it coming, cobalt gaze fixed impassively on the fist that would crack against his face again. And it did, the arm that Duo had put into his fist had enough strength to make Heero stumble against the sink.

"Why! You goddamned - " Duo's voice rose feverishly. "Bastard!" He stopped, mouth working soundlessly, the violet gleam of his eyes too bright. Then he moved, a snap movement borne of fury, and he seized Heero's shirt. Yanked the Japanese man upright. Glared down at that bloodied, expressionless face.

"Why didn't you avoid it - " Duo could hear those words ripping from his throat, but in a voice that was hoarse and thin and not one he could recognise as his own. "Why are you here? What do you want? Stop looking like that - you just show up - and you think - what did you suppose I'd react? Huh? Welcome you back with open arms! Were you expecting that - "

Violet eyes widened sharply as they fixed on the hand reaching towards him. _Don't..._ The touch both seared and soothed his skin, the fingers pressing even more deeply at his cheek when Duo flinched. "Don't touch me."

The fingers became a hand cupping his face.

"You're wet." Heero said quietly, the efforts widening the gash at his lips, blood trickling anew. He didn't seem to feel it, his torn lip or the welts beginning to rise where Duo had struck him.

"I said don't touch me." Duo jerked, a reflexive, confused action like his body was reacting without the bidding of his mind. The curls of steam reached for him, swirling like clammy fingers. He couldn't breathe - his very breaths were choked off - he blinked - had the steam been so thick? He couldn't see -

"Duo." Heero's voice sounded so faraway. "Duo Maxwell."

__

Heero...

"Duo!" The last cry pierced like a cold hard arrow through the fog. A shape gathered, the faint outline thickening, features forming. Heero's face.

"Duo, look at me." Heero's lips were saying.

Duo did look. Heero's eyes were so blue they were unearthly, it suddenly struck him. They drew him in and he let himself drown in the deep-blue depths. An anchor could secure you...drown you when you thought you were safe. He had always been a fool when it came to Heero.

Heero was wiping him down, efficiently, silently, each swipe of the towel in his hand so gentle it hurt. It was like he was afraid of hurting Duo, as if Duo was a glass doll and had to be protected and treasured and polished now and then to keep it shining.

"Do you do this for Wufei?" There were some question that could not be retracted once asked. Or shouldn't be asked, because you wouldn't want to know the answers. He expected Heero to keep silent, like he always did when he closed himself off.

"I don't."

Duo looked sharply at him. Clamping his hand on Heero's wrist to stop it from finishing its task, he asked again. "Why not?" _What makes me Duo, and what makes him Wufei, to you?_

"I don't know."

"You don't know." Duo found himself repeating. He caught Heero's free hand so that he held both of them in his own. He raised Heero's fingers to the top button of his shirt. "Find it out."

Hunger flared across Heero's cobalt eyes, and it sent an answering thrill straight to Duo's groin. This - this raw desire - was partly why it was intoxication when they were together. It always left them wanting more, neither of the both of them ever completely sated.

Heero's fingers worked quickly, almost trembling in their haste as he ripped open the buttons. Duo arched against the wall, fixing his eyes on the ceiling cracks. "When you find out," he muttered, mind already blanking in anticipation of the pain and pleasure to come. "Tell me. I might - " He sucked in a sharp breath as Heero buried his head in his neck. " - just wanna know."

His own hands went to Heero's shirt, even less careful as he tore open the front. It was almost difficult, with Heero nipping and sucking a feverish trail across his throat, but he managed to yank open his lover's pants and shove a hand inside. Already half-hard. Heero's gnawing kisses had stilled to laboured pants at his cheek. He stiffened when Duo curled his hand around his rapidly-swelling flesh, pulling it out and shaping it upright.

A hand went at Duo's shoulder. "Duo."

"Shut up." Duo tore his gaze away from the greyness of the ceiling. Heero's emotionless mask had completely shattered into a myriad of arousal and protest. The split in his lip had crusted over and Duo leaned forward to lick at it. The bitter copper taste of blood was sharp on his tongue, and it must still be painful but Heero didn't seem to care as he deepened the caress into a kiss. Good. This meant Heero understood.

Duo pulled away enough to hiss against Heero's lips. "I don't want to wait." He turned, bracing an arm against the wall and leaning his head into it. At the back of his mind, without his bidding, memories of sweet kisses and gentle love-making filtered into his semi-consciousness. Duo shifted to let Heero pull his pants over his hips. Hands lingered at his flanks, stroking as if to reassure him. It was so like Heero, and it wasn't what Duo wanted.

__

I don't remember anymore.

The memories faded into nothingness as swiftly as they had surfaced. All Duo wanted right now was to be fucked so hard he couldn't even speak or think or breathe. "Didn't you hear me, Heero? Just fuck me already!" He felt the flinch from Heero, wondered briefly if he had pushed Heero too far, and found that he was past caring.

Still, Heero didn't move. Muttering a curse, Duo pushed away from the wall, one hand going to his pants to hitch them back up. He was seething and he didn't feel Heero move, until he found himself shoved back into the wall. It was so sudden and hard the breath rushed out of him, but a strange elation also welled up inside him. _I'm getting what I asked for._ Duo shivered when he felt Heero's hard body cleaving against him, and the stiffness that grounded into his back.

Amethyst eyes flew wide as Duo was penetrated without warning. The intruder was slicked, if hastily so, and in just one motion, buried to the hilt within him. Duo swallowed his own cry of surprised pain. God, he wanted it like this. No pretty backdrop of tenderness, not when he couldn't even believe if any of that had ever been true. If it were like this, just pleasure without preamble, it was real.

"Oh god, yes...!" Duo urged as he was pounded into the wall, almost sobbing when Heero found with unerring accuracy the spot that made Duo's whole body clench in heaven. "C'mon, Heero..." Incoherent murmuring tripped from his own lips. "Faster...goddammit...ahh, fuck!" He gasped when his hardness was grasped in a practised grip.

Release was not too far away, not when Heero's deep thrusts found their mark each time, so well he knew Duo's body, and the hand that stroked him knew just where to gentle and where to punish. Duo screamed into his hand as he came in a rush, so hard only the wall kept him from collapsing. His over-sensitised body was still thrumming as Heero's thrusts grew hurried before he sank himself deeply and his release flooded into Duo.

Duo barely caught the sound of his name, whispered harshly into his hair, as they rested against each other. Lifting away with one arm, Duo turned in the circle of the arms still circling him, so Heero was slumped against his chest. His eyes strayed to the ceiling again. He picked out the cracks, following each broken zigzag line across what would have been a flawlessly smooth plane.

Even with the world falling to pieces around them, they still seek each other out like drug addicts. Even groping blind in the darkness of their own sins, they could still find pleasure in it.

__

My god, we are so fucked up.

"I'll drive you to the hospital."

Duo didn't look away from the cracks. "Yeah."

* * *

_The sun was dizzyingly bright, beating down on them like planes of blinding gold. The wars raged around them, across the earth, and the space. How could the sun still shine so bright? Seated under the shade of a huge oak, he turned back to the scroll he had been poring over. He had already learnt his lessons by heart, but still, they felt foreign. It was painfully ironical reading philosophies on world peace when the deafening staccato of aerial blasts thundered through the air whenever he tried to concentrate._

"Hey, silly little scholar boy!"

He had to bite on his own tongue to stem the torrent of retorts that threaten to burst from him. Would that stupid girl stop calling him that! It was annoying him to death. "What do you want." He said crisply, not even looking up when she settled herself comfortably next to him. The thought of the fact that they were betrothed made him want to gag so he shoved that thought away and tried not to think about it.

__

"You should get out into the sun more, you know. You look so pale people might think you're sick."

"I hate the sun."

Her indignant sputtering at that was truly entertaining. He tried not to let his amusement show too much.

"Chang Wufei."

"Yes, Long Meilan?" He raised his eyes, a little unnerved to find her gaze riveted on him. That gaze strayed to his scroll, and from the strange pensiveness that flickered across her face, she was reading its contents.

Just when she opened her mouth to speak, the sky darkened.

Both of them looked up simultaneously, eyes widening as a shadow crept across the heavens. Eclipse. They waited in strangely tensed silence as the darkness swallowed up the earth.

"It's kinda like the world, you know."

"What world?"

She sighed explosively, like she thought he was an idiot. But there was no malice in her tone, just a lot of exasperation. "I mean the world, you know. As in the world around us. Here."

"I hear you."

She made a face at him, the childish kind with the tongue stuck out and not very suitable for a girl already not a child. But her arms went around her knees and the petulance seemed to just seep out of her shoulders. "I mean it."

He found himself staring at the expanse of the grass field, watching as it darkened.

"An eclipse only means there's light somewhere in the darkness. It's the same with the world. As long as we look hard enough."

"...You're rambling."

"Well yeah, and you should really get out more. Bookworm."

"Hey...hey, Wufei?"

The only sign that Wufei was still caught in the last vestiges of his dream was the sudden clench of his whole body. Not a sound escaped his lips, but for a fleeting moment, it was as if he stopped breathing. Eyes snapping open, he stared blankly upwards, seeing only nothingness before him. Then, like a cobalt dye slowly bleeding into his vision, he became aware of the deep-blue gaze anchoring him.

He almost said the wrong name, but his mind woke up in time and he murmured. "Anders."

A smile broke the grim line of Anders' lips. "That's a start." Ignoring the muttered protest from the Chinese man, he slipped an arm under Wufei to help him up. "Nightmare?"

Wufei shook his head, feeling a little light-headed when he tried to stand up, but otherwise, he was fine. He was momentarily disoriented by the change in the room, and then he realised what it was. Shuffling towards the curtains with still-asleep legs, he pulled the translucent drapes open, and squinted when the sunlight poured in like a flood. He stood there for a long moment, feeling the sunshine seep into his skin. He had slept for more than five hours straight, without even stirring from the position he had fallen asleep in...without waking up screaming from nightmares.

"What time is it?" He asked without turning.

"It's gonna be eight soon." Anders was moving around the room, making odd shuffling noises, and Wufei realised he was actually making the bed. When he spoke again, his voice was suddenly much nearer. "Had a dream?"

Wufei jerked from his staring at the life bustling in the streets below. Anders was so close to him, barely an inch away. The man had already pushed open the windows and was sprawled over the sill rather precariously. He leaned out into the cool morning air, all the while grinning back Wufei like he was sharing a secret. It was all Wufei could do not to flinch away from the warm press of Anders' arm over his own.

"Why did you kiss me last night, Wufei?"

For a fleeting second, Wufei only looked blank. Kiss? Then he remembered, and the flush that hazed over his cheeks would surely be obvious by now. He had almost forgotten...but now, staring at the other man's sculpted mouth, he could almost taste them again in his mind. "I..." Wufei wanted to look away, and anything but the wryness that tugged at Anders' lips. "I don't know."

Anders continued gazing him with his patented non-expression. Rather, it was an indecipherable expression. Wufei could not remember a time when he had been able to read the man. If Anders were angry at his weak answer, Wufei would not hold it against him. No matter that Wufei was telling the truth. He only remembered himself moving to kiss Anders, the moment their lips had touched, but the motivation behind his own action drew a blank in his mind now.

Anders did not look angry, not even the slightest bit perturbed. Instead, he cocked a lopsided smile at Wufei. "'I don't know' is a good answer. Don't figure out the real reason too soon, would you? If you don't, we can always keep trying till we find out."

Wufei couldn't help it. He smiled. "Very confident of yourself, aren't you?"

The other man tilted his head, rakish brown locks tumbling into his eyes. "Always, Agent Chang." In a rare moment of openness, a glint stole into his gaze, one that mirrored his words to perfection. Absolute confidence.

Something connected in Wufei's mind, but he couldn't place it. That look in Anders' eyes...

"Tch!" A sudden exclamation from Anders. The man was leaning really dangerously out of the window as he stared upwards. "So much for the sunlight. Looks like it's gonna rain now."

Clouds had obscured the sunlight when they had been so immersed in talking, swathing the cityscape in a grey cast.

"It's dark now but the light's still in there somewhere, though. This is some fucked up weather." At the sharp glance from Wufei, he grinned wryly and held up his hands. "Bad language, sorry."

Wufei shook his head. "No...what you said..."

"What, the 'fucked up weather' part?"

"Before...no, before that."

A hand rose and swept carelessly through his bangs as Anders' grin turned apologetic. "I don't remember...hey, did you hear that?"

__

An eclipse only means there's light somewhere in the darkness. It's the same with the world.

"You said..." Wufei murmured, not quite noticing the buzzing from the vibration alert. "...the same thing - "

"Wufei." Anders looked up from the communicator he had been reading. He paused for a second, before turning to him. "Hilde's awake."

* * *

"Doctor."

Sally Po paused in mid-stride, and turned her head. She recognised the speaker instantly, already so familiar with every face that had been haunting the corridors and corners of the hospital ever since the blasts. The strange woman was not from the Preventers, but from a special taskforce organisation that was also one of Preventers greatest detractors. Preventers-affiliated hospitals had been opened to all official organisations involved in the explosion, enemies and friends alike, on the account of the universal nature of human tragedy.

"Yes?"

The young woman could not be more than twenty-five. Her wide brown eyes shifted to the badge Sally wore on her labcoat. "Doctor Po. My partner. William Eliot. The other doctors said...he couldn't..." She broke off, her voice catching on a soft sob.

Mind going into auto-drive, Sally recalled the details regarding the male officer in question. She shook her head at the young woman. "We did all we could."

The woman's jaw went slack for several seconds, before her features hardened. Sally knew that look. She had seen it on her own comrades' and friends' faces too many times to count. They looked like that when they didn't want her to see, not knowing that she saw all the clearer precisely when they tried to hide.

"Considering that he isn't Preventers."

Sally's azure eyes narrowed as she felt the sting of that accusation. It was inexplicable, the sudden sharp pulse of anger through her every nerve. The scenes from the very first day on of the disaster replayed themselves; a macabre soundless red-tinted movie. Administering to one injured after another regardless of affiliation and rank, a pain-drawn face after another, some without faces even.

"Considering I'm just a doctor," Sally said quietly and turned on her heels, leaving the woman with the bitter-outraged face behind. She walked silently, head bowed, halting in her tracks only when she recognised belatedly the footfalls that had joined her. She looked up in mild surprise.

"You're not just a doctor you know, Sally Po."

At that indignant tone of one of her closest comrades in Preventers, Sally had to smile. "You heard everything?"

Noin nodded tersely, before reaching out and squeezing Sally's shoulder hard.

The doctor smiled. Noin was always like that. Her compassion shone in her gruffness, measured in exactly what she said, and not how much. "Nobody's ever just anything to you, Lucrezia Noin."

Noin put her head to one side, considering that remark. Then she chuckled ruefully. "Too true." Her amusement turned sombre swiftly however. "You're going to see Hilde? I'm coming along."

Their strides began again, more quickly.

"Hilde..." Noin was saying.

"Duo was with her when she woke up in the middle of the night."

"I thought so too. Thank god she's alright." Noin breathed. "I don't know how Duo would handle it if anything happens to her."

"Or how Heero would handle if it anything happens to Duo."

A glance from Noin, before she replied quietly. "Yeah. What about - "

"Wufei?" Noin guessed correctly.

Sally nodded. Wufei was a subject of strange reconciliation between herself and Noin. Such was the circumstances when they were the only two women in the Preventers who had dealt so directly with him when he was fifteen and still a child. It did not make them especially protective of him, but it did mean he was the topic of the first tentative friendship-forming conversation between them, and it also meant that for many more conversations to come, he would always figure in at least some of them without fail.

"Anders is with him." Noin spoke suddenly.

It was Sally's turn to shoot that glance.

"I couldn't get through the first time I contacted Wufei. The second time, Anders picked it up." Noin explained, flashing a wry sort of smile. "Do I get prizes for guessing what's going on between them?"

Sally didn't answer. They had already rounded the corner and reached the corridor right outside of Hilde's ward. A small crowd had already gathered there. Trowa and Quatre, who had both flown in separately just a couple of days earlier. Wufei was there as well, arms crossed before his chest, his face grim in absolute solemnity. He looked like the Wufei of old, Sally thought suddenly. And Anders was with him, lounging by the wall, eyes alert despite the inscrutable expression on his face. He was the first to notice her, straightening as he looked at her, then at Noin was who was just behind her.

"Sally, Noin," Quatre however, was the first to greet them. Years had lent him both height and gravitas, and he looked authoritative despite his still-angelic blond looks. "A little unfortunate to see the two of you again under such circumstances, but I'm glad nevertheless." He smiled in open warmth.

"As am I." A quiet baritone resounded from behind Quatre. Trowa was still tall, but no longer as frail-looking as he was in his childhood years. He pushed at the stubborn lock of hair that always fell into his eye, revealing a deep-green gaze that had grown in emotion over time.

Sally embraced both of them in turn, warmed by their dual presence. Over Trowa's shoulder, she caught Wufei's haunted dark gaze. He gave her a wan smile and she was grateful for it. The door opening stopped either of them from further communication.

Duo and Heero emerged from Hilde's ward. Both were clad in the purple of hospital gown and mask. When pulled off, there was a conspicuous pause in the air that Sally registered as collective shock. Duo looked like he had aged years in the time since Hilde's hospitalisation. His violet eyes were dulled with an aching combination of insomnia and pain, and the generous mouth that used to be quirked in a grin was frowning as he stared around at them. Hovering very silently behind him, Heero's eyes were fixed intently on Duo's back, even as everyone else's gaze was riveted on the startling bruise that marred the whole side of his cheek. His lip was split, crusted over with dried blood.

None of them said a single word about the pair's questionable appearances.

Sally was vaguely aware of Wufei moving; it looked like an involuntary action as he shifted towards Duo. Both men stared evenly at each other for what seemed like eternity, as if they were trapped in an invisible bind. Just as Wufei opened his mouth to speak, Duo looked away and turned to her.

"She's doing great. She's not off the ventilator yet, but things are looking pretty good." The tension eased briefly from Duo's brow. "Great job, Doctor." He broke into a grin that was as fatigued as it was bright.

Just like this, the stifling pressure in the air was eased. A tentative conversation filtered between the small group. Sally didn't join in, content to just listen and watch. In a strange way, it felt like she was watching a movie of sorts, like she was on the outside looking in. She saw the obvious, Noin and Trowa talking about the development on L3 and Quatre chiming in, and the hidden. Duo excusing himself without the slightest glance at Heero following close behind. The strikingly-clear worry on Heero's injured face. Both of them brushing past Wufei and Anders. Maybe Sally imagined it, but she thought that maybe, just for one teetering, fleeting moment, the four men shared a tensed, leadened look between them.

Once again, Sally found herself just a helpless onlooker, with circumstances spiralling like an uncontrollable storm around her while she stayed trapped in the stillness of the eye.

__

You win some, you lose some, Une had once told her, during one those sessions when Sally found herself braced over the sink in her own bathroom, dry-heaving as she tried to forget another failed operation. _The binarism of life. Joy and pain. Death and living. Losing and winning. The darkness in happy days, and the hopefulness in despair. None would exist without the other._

Are you heartless? Sally had lashed out without thinking, then.

__

I'd like to think not, Une had answered without missing a beat. _Just the occasional bitch._

"...I'm the occasional doctor."

"Did you say something?" Noin was looking at her quizzically.

Sally blinked. Then she shook her head, feeling lighter than she had in too many days. "No. Shall we see Hilde together?"

* * *

"I think Duo should partner Heero on the mission." Wufei knew his remark came perhaps a little suddenly, when he saw the jerk of surprise from Anders. "It makes sense. You saw them just now. Something's wrong between them. I can feel it." He explained quickly.

Anders was seated on a chair, straddling it backwards with his arms braced on top of it. His head tilted to one side, he appeared to be contemplating what Wufei had just said. At length, he straightened. "I don't think Maxwell should go on the mission."

That stopped Wufei short. "Why not?"

"Firstly, Maxwell has not dealt with any of the colony officials in his entire career. Secondly, the L2 cluster has a history with FIR23-01, and I'm not talking about good history here. Thirdly - "

"That is not the point!" Wufei cut him off sharply, before waving a hand in vague apology. "What I mean is, Duo can handle all that. I just think this would be an opportunity for he and Heero to iron out any misunderstandings."

"Things may not be as simple as that."

Dark eyebrows narrowed defensively. "How complicated can it be?"

Anders shrugged.

"That is not an answer." Wufei shook his head. "Things are supposed...to be better. That was why I lef - " He stopped, looking away, lips pressed together in a grim, quivering line.

"Well, then maybe you should find yourself a better reason for leaving Heero Yuy."

Wufei was moving before he knew it, and just before he was on Anders, he stopped short. "Does all of this please you?"

Anders hadn't moved an inch from where he was seated, or so much as twitched even. He stared at Wufei's quivering hands clenched so tightly that the knuckles were white, before shrugging again. It was an infuriatingly flippant gesture and it very nearly made Wufei lash out and make sure his fist connected this time.

"All of what?" Anders said softly.

To his own bewilderment, Wufei found he didn't even know what he meant himself. "I do not understand you, Ray Anders," he said at length.

"That's one of my virtues, didn't you know?"

Wufei would have snapped something to that unbelievably presumptuous claim, but the hand wounding into his shirtfront strangled his breath. He found himself suddenly much nearer to the chair, and to Anders. With no small amount of apprehension and just plain confusion, Wufei stared down into the sharp, handsome face smiling up at him. Then those cobalt eyes swung dizzyingly close when Anders tugged him down.

Wufei turned his head just before the kiss, and Anders' lips found his cheek instead. Undeterred, a rain of soft, sensuous kisses caressed down the line of Wufei's jaw, pausing right at the underside of his chin, before taking up the pace and intensity down his throat. Swaying almost unconsciously, Wufei raised a shaking hand to Anders' chest. He wasn't sure what he was doing, pulling Anders closer, or pushing him away. Maybe both, as his fingers curled convulsively into the thin fabric of Anders' shirt.

"We..." Wufei flinched as a warm hand slipped under his shirt. "Shouldn't. We shouldn't be doing this. Anders..." The hand was inscribing slow caresses over his skin. It felt soothing in a way that it shouldn't.

When Anders' fingers reached his buckle, Wufei clamped his hands on Anders'. "Why are you doing this..."

"Only if you let me, Wufei."

The wretchedness was a tearing, agonising pain in Wufei's insides. Anders was letting him decide. Every step on this road was his own doing. Him. Chang Wufei, and nobody else.

That was fine.

Wufei's hands fell limply to his sides. Anders was quiet in his efficiency. The cold air prickled the back of Wufei's legs. As Anders bent his head, Wufei arched back with a silent cry. The lingering liquid fire enveloping him was almost too much to bear. It had been a long time.

"Anders..." Wufei wound his fingers into the dark-brown hair tickling his belly.

Anders pulled away briefly, his hand taking over, keeping the rhythm that was making Wufei writhe against him, his deep-blue eyes were darkened with the same arousal.

"When...did Hilde...wake up..."

"...You know."

Wufei paused, before nodding. "Five thirty-three." He couldn't stifle a gasp as lips nuzzled against his hardness. "Why didn't you tell..."

"You were running on nothing but sheer will. You needed the sleep."

"...you a Samaritan...or a bastard..."

"Are you asking?"

Wufei's eyes slipped closed.

"My turn. This morning..." Anders' head was moving again, his tongue and teeth a maddening dance. "You said I said the same thing as someone...Who is it?"

For as long as the time - sluggish minutes and seconds - that Anders took to pleasure and torture him, Wufei spoke not a single word. Even when his release came, so suddenly and so hard and finally, Wufei's cries were muffled by his own teeth.

The sweat trickled down his skin, and back, although the room was still cold. Wufei's chest rose and fell in staccato beats as he fought to still his breathing. His pants were pulled back up over his hips, zipped and buckled.

Wufei stretched out a hand towards Anders. "Let me - "

Anders stood up, adjusted his own pants and smoothed back his hair. He raised an eyebrow almost jauntily at Wufei. "I did it because I wanted to. You don't have to return the favour."

Wufei knew he should insist...whether or not by his own reasoning, or to justify the situation. "It's not fair," he said instead.

Anders was already sliding out a cigarette from the pack that always seemed to appear in the back of his pants when he wanted it to. He hooked it in his fingers, lifted it to his lips and lighted it in one smooth motion. "It never is. Was."

It was an absurd fascination, watching those lips curled around the cigarette when just moments earlier, they were curled around him. Wufei looked away.

"Thirdly - "

It took a long second before Wufei realised Anders was talking about Heero's mission.

"Thirdly, Maxwell should not be the partner - " There was something deeply pensive in Anders' face as he turned to face Wufei. "Because Heero Yuy has already chosen one."

Obsidian eyes widened sharply. "Who?"

Anders smiled then. A dry smile that looked nearly as old as it was amused. "Me."

* * *

fin  
February 2005 


End file.
